Loving My Best Friend
by Nixxx852
Summary: Falling in love with your best friend can end in two ways: complete bliss, or total disaster. What's a werewolf to do when he falls in love with his extremely straight best friend? SBRL
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter warning:** mild slash; don't like it, turn back now.

Falling in love with your best friend can end in two ways: disaster or bliss. This was the dilemma I was faced with. I, Remus Lupin, was in love with one of my best friends, Sirius Black. Sirius had been one of the first people I met when I came to Hogwarts. He, along with our two other friends, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, were my best friends.

The three of them had stuck with me through everything; even after they found out about my deepest secret. I had been so afraid of how they'd react when they found out I was a werewolf, since the wizarding world isn't exactly friendly with them. But, they took it quite well. They even learned how to be animagi to help me out during my transformations. I couldn't ask for better friends.

Out of all of them, I was always closest to Sirius; I felt that I could tell him anything. I realized I fancied guys two years ago, during fifth year. I was so afraid to tell the others, but they accepted that as well. I don't know what I did to deserve just great understanding friends. Fifth year was also when I developed a crush on Sirius. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I just thought it was a simple school boy crush that would pass with time. Sirius was probably one of the most wanted guys in school. He was smart without having to try, he was funny, and he was handsome. Everyone, girls and boys alike, had a crush on him. That's why I didn't think anything of my crush for him.

But then during our sixth year, Sirius did something that was unforgivable. He told Severus Snape, a boy in our year that he and James hate, how to get into the Womping Willow. The Womping Willow was a passage that I took so that I could transform into a wolf without being near anyone and possibly harming people. Sirius told Severus how to get in there in hopes I would kill him. No matter how much I hated a person, there was no way I would kill them, wolf form or not. Sirius knew that, but he still did it anyway. I was angry with him for a while, but I couldn't find myself to hate him for it. I knew that I should, but I couldn't. Even the time I spent mad at him, I found myself missing his company.

It was then that I realized I was in love with my best friend. And as much as I wanted to, I couldn't pursue a relationship with him. For one thing, Sirius was my best friend and I value his friendship more than anything. I don't want to risk this great friendship we have because I find myself attracted to him. Another thing was that Sirius went through girls pretty fast. In the seven years that I've known him, the longest relationship he ever had lasted three weeks. I don't want something like that. A simple fling may be alright with Sirius, but I want commitment. And most importantly, Sirius was straight. He may be alright with me liking guys, but there was no way he would like guys himself.

"Is it alright if I sit here?" A voice broke me out of my thoughts. I looked up and saw the angry face of Lily Evans.

"James again?" I couldn't help but chuckle. James had been trying to get Lily to go out with him for two years now. Everything he did only seemed to make her madder.

"He just doesn't know when to give up!" Lily said in a harsh whisper. She looked like she wanted to scream in frustration, but we were in the library. "How does he expect to get a girl when he just goes up to them and tells them to meet him in a deserted classroom somewhere? He's such a pig!"

"That's James for you," I laughed again, turning back to my books.

"I don't know how you can stand to be friends with them; you're nothing like them."

"Sometimes I wonder that, too, Lily." I said honestly. Lily and I stopped talking and just settled for a comfortable silence while we both did our homework.

"We should head to dinner," Lily announced after a while. I glanced at my watch and was surprised at how much time had passed by.

As we approached the Great Hall, I noticed a couple snogging against the wall next to the door. I heard Lily scoff at her display and chuckled. As we drew closer, I saw a familiar head of black hair. It was Sirius who was snogging some blonde girl. I felt my chest tighten a little. Even though I knew there could never be anything between me and Sirius, it still hurt every time I had to see him with some girl.

"You really like him, don't you?" My head snapped back to look at Lily.

"What?" I managed to get out.

"Don't look so surprised, Remus," Lily said with a small laugh. "I've seen the way you look at him and how you look at the girls he's with. It doesn't take a genius to know that you fancy him."

"I, uh, well, you see… How? I…" I realized I was babbling. But I really didn't know what to say. This only seemed to make Lily laugh some more.

"I never thought I'd see you so lost for words."

"Please don't tell anyone, please" I blurted out.

"Don't worry," Lily stopped laughing and gave me a small reassuring smile. "Your secret is safe with me. Though, I really don't know what you see in him."

"Sometimes, I wonder that, too," I took one last glance at Sirius and the blonde, who didn't seem to notice anyone else, before walking into the Hall with Lily. She and I separated when she went to go sit with her friends and I went to James and Peter.

"Where have you been, Moony?" Peter asked, looking up from his plate.

"The library," I began filling up the empty plate inside of me.

"Have you seen Sirius?" James asked. "He was right behind me and Peter when we came down here."

"I saw him outside with—"the rest of my sentence interrupted by Sirius. He dropped into the seat next to me. His hair was disheveled, as were his robes, and his lips looked redder than they should be—the blonde's lipstick seemed to have gotten on him.

"Sorry about that," Sirius gave us all a sheepish grin. "I was just about to come in when I bumped into Sally. She wanted to have a little talk."

James smirked, realizing what their little "talk" was about before going back to his food. Sirius winked at someone at the Ravenclaw table and I saw the blonde—Sally he said her name was—that he was snogging earlier. The tightening feeling returned in my chest.

I saw Lily looking in our direction from down the table and our eyes met. She gave me a knowing, albeit sad smile which I returned with a sad smile of my own. There was no way in hell that Sirius Black, the infamous womanizer of Hogwarts, could ever return the feelings of his gay, werewolf friend.

**First ever story. What do you think? Reviews are greatly appreciated ^_^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Warning:** Not much in this chapter, really.  
And since I didn't mention a disclaimer last time, I own nothing you guys recognize.

"I can't believe it!" James exclaimed, smacking a laughing Sirius on the back.

"Can't believe what?" I asked, taking a seat on the couch across from them.

"Get this Moony," James said excitedly. "Padfoot here thinks he's starting to really fancy Sally Sanders."

"The blonde you were snogging a couple weeks ago?" I tried to make my voice sound as normal as possible, but my blood felt cold and my throat felt tight. Sirius had never fancied anyone before; his longest relationship only lasted about a week.

"Yeah," Sirius had a look in his eyes that I never saw before. "I've been seeing her the past couple weeks and I think I'm starting to really like her."

Like, he said like, not love. That thought was enough to keep my heart from breaking out of my chest and keep my hands from shaking. I took a deep breath and put a smile on my face. Sirius was still looking at me, waiting for my reaction.

"That's great, Siri," I replied, using the nickname that only I used. I tried to make my voice sound as light as possible. "It's about time you settled down."

"I wouldn't go that far, Remmy" Sirius laughed. I smiled at his use of my nickname. "I like the girl, but that doesn't mean I'm going to marry her!"

"That's good to hear," James joked. I couldn't help but agree with him. "It just wouldn't be right to see you settling down, especially before me."

"Like you could ever get Evans to date you," Sirius laughed, giving James a friendly punch.

"Hey!" James punched back, "Just give her time and she'll realize how much she loves me!"

I stood up and the two rough housing boys didn't seem to realize that I left. I made to go up to the dorm room but I spotted Lily sitting by herself on a small couch at the end of the room. She noticed me looking at her and gave waved me over.

"You okay?" Lily asked as soon as I sat down. She looked at me with a concerned expression in her eyes.

"You know about Sirius and Sally?"

"James made an announcement to the entire common room before you came in. Apparently its such amazing news." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Well, considering that this is Sirius Black we're talking about, it is somewhat amazing."

"How are _you_ taking this, though?"

"I'm not gonna start crying if that's what you're thinking," At least not in front of anyone, I add in my head.

"Why don't you just try and find someone else? I'm sure there are other guys in this school who swing the same way you do."

"There are," I replied quietly. I've tried being with some of those other guys. And, while I did have some fun, I never felt the way I felt for Sirius for any of them.

"Then why not go out there and date someone?"

"It's not that easy, Lils. Believe me; I've tried—many times. It's just different with Sirius. No matter how hard I try to forget about him and move on, I just end up back where I started."

"This more than just a simple crush, isn't it?" I saw her eyes widen with realization. "You actually _love_ him, don't you?"

"I think I do," I replied softly. Though I know nothing will ever come from this, it felt good admitting it to someone else.

"Oh my god, you're in love!" Now, Lily wasn't like any of the girls Sirius spent his time with. She wasn't loud or girly or annoying; and I really liked that about her. But that squeal she gave after that statement made me see that she wasn't that different from them after all.

"What? Who's in love? Remus?" a curious and very familiar voice asked behind us. Oh crap. I turned around and saw the curious face of Sirius.

"What are you doing listening in on our conversation?" Lily asked hotly. She may be a girl and get all hyped up when it comes to this whole love thing, but at least I know she isn't the type to try and set people up.

"I wasn't. I was just passing by when I happened to hear you say that someone was in love. Remus, are you in love?" Sirius looked at me and I looked away, unable to meet his eyes.

"Love?" James asked, walking up behind Sirius. "Now, Lily, if you wanted to talk about love, you could have come to me. I _am_ a master of it after all. How's about you follow me up to the dorms and I show you what love is all about?"

I groaned inwardly as I watched James waggle his eyebrows in what I'm assuming was a suggestive manner. I really couldn't tell. I caught Sirius's eye and saw the amusement shining in them. He knew what was coming as well. And behind James, I could see Peter bracing himself for what was to come.

"YOU BASTARD!" Lily shouted, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Not even a second later, a loud smack could be heard throughout the suddenly quiet common room before Lily stomped off to the girls dorms, leaving James with an angry red hand-shaped mark on his face.

"Smooth move, oh master," Sirius laughed, breaking the silence that had fallen on the room. I could hear snickers and laughter from everywhere around the room and couldn't help but chuckle myself.

"Did you ever consider just being nice and friendly to her?" I asked after most of the laughter had died down. "You can't just ask her to meet you in an empty classroom to snog and expect her to go. She isn't one of those girls, James."

"Friendly, huh? Maybe I'll try that." James rubbed his cheek thoughtfully. Sirius and Peter gave him shocked looks. James had never been one to take our advice when it came to wooing Lily. He walked off to put some water on his stinging cheek.

"You think he'll actually do that?" Peter asked.

"Who knows," I shrugged. Peter nodded and bid us goodnight before heading for the dorms, leaving me alone with Sirius.

"So what were you and Evans talking about?" Sirius asked after a while.

"Nothing, just school and stuff."

"Stuff? Stuff like you being in love with someone?"

"I'm not in love," I answer, trying to fight the blush that was threatening to come.

"Oh come on Remmy, I heard her say that someone was in love. And you were the only one with her. It _had_ to be you. So who is it?"

"No one, it's nothing Sirius, really." I hope he would drop the subject, but knowing him and his stubbornness, he won't stop bothering me until he knows.

"I'm one of your best friends, Moony. You know you can tell me anything. I think it's great that you're in love."

"I _told_ you, it's nothing."

"You loving someone isn't 'nothing'. Why can you tell Evans but not me? I'm your best friend."

And that's why I can't tell you, because you're my best friend. I kept quiet, hoping he would take it as a hint that I don't want to talk about this anymore.

"Remmy," Sirius practically whined.

"I don't love anyone! I told you," I immediately felt guilty when I saw the hurt look flash in his eyes. "Siri, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you like that. I'm just tired. The full moon's coming up and I think it's making me snappish. I'm gonna go up to bed now. Goodnight."

I left without even waiting for him to say anything.

**End of chapter 2. So what do you think so far?  
Thank you so much for the reviews. As any other writer, reviews make me more confident and help me get this story flowing. So please review :] **


	3. Chapter 3

I haven't really had a chance to talk to Sirius since that night. He and Sally had been practically inseparable since he introduced her to the Marauders. That just showed me how much he must care for her; he never introduced a girl to the group before.

And she fit right in with the group. She would listen to James and Sirius's new prank ideas and even put in some of her opinions. She also helped Peter with his work. She was doing all the things that I used to do. Sometimes, I feel like she's replacing me in the Marauders. And even _I _like her. She's smart, and pretty, and funny; the perfect girl for Sirius. And, no matter how much I hated her for taking him away from me, a part of me can't help but like her. She's just too…likeable.

I made my way to the Great Hall for lunch. I missed breakfast because I was in the infirmary. And it was taking forever for me to get to lunch because I was limping; I was grateful it was Saturday. I don't know how I would have managed to go up and down the stairs to all my classes if it had been a school day. I had a very bad transformation last night. It was the first full moon since my friends had all become Animagi that I spent alone. That, along with the pain I had been feeling because of Sirius and Sally, seemed to really agitate the moon.

I finally reached the Great Hall and leaned against the wall for a moment to catch my breath. Lucky for me, the Gryffindor table was right next to the door. I saw the guys at our usual spot at the table. I felt a pang of pain in my chest. They hadn't come to visit me in the infirmary like they always did. They used to come before breakfast so I could walk with them. But they weren't here today. They didn't even show up at the Whomping Willow last night.

James and Peter were sitting across from Sirius, who had Sally in his lap. She hardly ate at her own table anymore; when she did, Sirius always went to sit with her. I felt my heart shatter at the sight of Sirius and Sally. You would think that by now, I was used to their public displays. But, I wasn't. Every time I saw them, I felt my heart breaking all over again. I'm actually afraid that one day, it will have broken so much that there just isn't enough pieces left to put it back together.

"Remus!" I heard a voice shout my name. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the Marauders plus Sally stop and look in my direction. But, instead of walking over to them, I walked over to Lily, who had been the one to call my name. I have been spending more time with her so I wouldn't have to see Sirius and Sally being a happy couple. The guys didn't seem to notice I was gone. But like I said, Sally was taking my place in the Marauders.

I tried by best not to limp as I made my way towards Lily. I mainly did it because I could still feel the eyes of the Marauders burning holes into my back, but also because I didn't want to attract too much attention to myself. I saw the worried look on Lily's face as I approached her; she noticed the limp. I saw question in her green eyes as I sat down next to her. She was the only person other than the Marauders—and Snape who I nearly attacked last year—who knew about my condition. Lily had worked it out for herself last year and confronted me. She's kept my secret since.

"Remus, why were you limping?" Rachel, the girl next to Lily asked.

"I'm afraid I sprained my ankle this morning; took a bad fall," I quickly lied. I gave her a reassuring smile and she seemed to believe me. "It'll be fine in a day or so. But, thanks for concern."

After lunch, Lily and I went to the library. Instead of my usual table right by the door, Lily and I found a table near the back, hidden from most people. I actually prefer this spot, it was quiet and I could get work done. The only reason I sat near the front was because James and Sirius had a tendency to come in and drag me to be a part of their little schemes. They easily spotted me in the front. But now that they had Sally, they didn't really need to find me, now did they?

"Is it okay if I sit here?" I looked up and saw bright blue eyes the color of the sky and a warm smile. I realized that the blond in front of me was Avery, a Ravenclaw in my year.

"Sure," After making room for Avery on the table and introducing him to Lily, we fell into a comfortable silence as we read.

However, I could no longer concentrate o my book. My attention kept drifting to Avery. He and I had met two years ago. We experimented a little with each other, but it was all just fun. We never took it seriously. I haven't talked to him since we had parted ways after our brief time together.

He had changed a lot of over the past two years. He grew, for one. He used to be around my height, if not a little shorter. But now, he was much taller than me, maybe about the same height as Sirius, who stood four or five inches taller than me. He was also more muscular. He wasn't too built, just the right size for him. His face still had its boyish charm and childish innocence, but there was something about it that was also quite handsome. I really didn't know how to explain it.

My vision was suddenly filled with sky colored eyes as I locked eyes with Avery. I felt my cheeks heating up at being caught staring, but it quickly went away when I saw the amusement shining in Avery's eyes. They made them look much brighter and I find myself liking that color. He flashes me a quick grin which I returned with a shy smile of my own before going back to his book.

I felt someone kick me and looked over at Lily. She glanced at Avery before raising her eyebrows at me and smirking. She had caught our little exchange. I felt the blush returning to my cheeks and felt glad that Avery didn't notice anything. I just shook my head at her and returned back to my book, willing the blush to go away.

After a while, and when I was sure Lily wasn't looking, I stole another glance at Avery. Apart from Sirius, he was the best looking bloke in this entire school. Or, in my opinion anyway. Maybe Lily was right. Maybe I should give moving on another shot.

**Yay for chapter 3. How was it? Review and I'll love you forever =D**


	4. Chapter 4

"I just thought of something," I looked up from the essay I was writing and looked at Lily. "Do the others know about you? Being gay, I mean?"

"I told them last year. They were very accepting; they always are. They even joked around about setting me up with a few blokes," I smiled fondly at the memory before I was overwhelmed by a sudden feeling. I hadn't realized how much I missed by friends until now.

"So what's the story behind you and Avery?" Lily asked, putting her stuff aside. I had known she was going to ask that ever since we left the library earlier. I'm surprised she put it off for a day before asking me.

"He and I fooled around a bit a couple years ago," I explained. I saw Lily's eyes widen in shock. I guess Remus Lupin and fooling around don't exactly mix together; that was more of Sirius's job. "We met back in fifth year when we got paired up for potions. We kinda found out about each other fancying guys, so we did a little experimenting. It wasn't anything serious."

"Well, he is pretty cute," I heard the hidden implication in her seemingly innocent comment. She thinks I should go out with Avery. And, to be honest, I really am considering it.

"Who's cute? You're not talking about me, are you Lily?" James approached us with a wide grin, Peter walking slowly behind him.

"You wish, Potter," Lily scoffed and picked up her books, going back to work on her essay.

"Remus, can we talk for a bit?" James asked; he and Peter were both looking at me.

"Sure, James, what do you want to talk about?"

"Err," James glanced at Lily. "I wanted to talk about last night."

"What about last night?" I could tell he wanted to talk about the full moon. Peter pointed at Lily behind James's back. Oh yeah, they don't know that she knows.

"Why don't we go upstairs? So Lily here can do her homework in peace?" Peter suggested.

"Yeah, great idea, Pete," James replied, already heading for the stairs, Peter following in tow.

"I'll see you later, Lily," I packed my things and quickly followed them up the stairs.

"Why didn't you tell us that last night was a full moon?" James asked as soon as the door was closed. Peter cast a quick silencing charm around the room.

"I wasn't aware I had to tell you. I never had to before," I walked over to my bed and started putting my stuff away. I didn't intend for it to sound cold, but I couldn't help it. I saw James wince at the tone in my voice and felt a bit of guilt.

"I'm so sorry, Moony," James took a step closer and put a hand on my shoulder. "I guess we were caught up planning our Halloween prank that we totally forgot. I'm sorry."

The Halloween prank that Sally had helped them on? I felt anger build up in me and silently reprimanded myself for sounding so petty.

"I'm sorry, too, Moony," Peter said quietly when I didn't reply to James.

"It's alright, guys," I sat on my bed and gave them a small smile. "I understand. Well, I'm tired, so I'm going—"

"Remmy!" Sirius had burst in the door. His face was flushed, like he had run up here. A warm feeling started in my chest at the idea that he was worried about me. But then I saw a fresh bite mark on his neck and realized that he had just left Sally. I could feel my heart start to break again.

"—to bed. Goodnight." I pulled the curtains around my bed shut before Sirius got too close. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it close to my chest.

"He's mad at me, isn't he?" I heard the hurt in Sirius's voice and wanted desperately to tell him that I wasn't, but I would only be lying. I _was _mad at him. I was mad at him for being with Sally, for forgetting about the full moon and leaving me there to suffer, and for not being able to return my feelings. But most of all, I was mad at myself for knowing that he can never feel the same way about, but still loving him with my whole heart and soul.

"He's just tired, Pads," I heard James's quiet reply. "Just give him time to rest. I'm sure he'll feel better in the morning."

With shaky hands, I grabbed my wand and cast a silencing spell around my bed and charmed the curtains so they couldn't be opened by anyone else. Then I proceeded to cry myself to sleep.

I avoided Sirius after that. I left the dorms before the guys woke up and hid out in the library most of the time. I took the map we made with me so they wouldn't be able to use it to find me. The rest of the weekend went smoothly, without any run ins with the Marauders, and that was saying something because we all shared a room.

Then finally Monday came. I knew I couldn't avoid them forever, seeing as we had most of our classes together. I woke up early as usual, and proceeded to the bathroom quietly. After I got dressed, I went down to the library. I hadn't finished the essay I was working on Saturday night because James and Peter interrupted me, and I couldn't bring myself to do it yesterday. There were very few people in the library because it was still very early. I looked down at my watch; I had half an hour before breakfast started. On my way to my table at the back, I spotted a familiar blond head of hair. It was Avery. After a quick debate with myself, I went over to where he was sitting.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" I asked, repeating the same words he had used the day before. He looked up at me in surprise, before smiling widely at me, gesturing to the chair opposite of him. He had a very nice smile.

"I don't think I've ever seen you here this early," Avery commented as soon as I sat down.

"I didn't get a chance to finish my Potions essay last night. So I thought I'd come here and work on it." I pulled out my half finished essay, a quill, and some ink. I fell into a comfortable silence with Avery as I hurried to finish my essay. I was so immersed in my writing, that I almost forgot there was someone else with me. Once I finished, I noticed Avery was looking at me.

"You weren't waiting for me, were you?" I tried to fight the blush that was making its way up my neck. Avery seems to be making me do that a lot.

"I thought it would be nice to walk down to breakfast together," he replied with a small smile. I couldn't help but smile back; it was a really nice gesture. I packed my stuff quickly and we left the library and made our way to breakfast.

"Let me hold your bag," Without giving me a chance to respond, Avery slipped the strap of my bag off my shoulder and slung it over his left shoulder; his right one was holding his own bag.

"You really don't have to do that," I tried to take my bag back from him, but he moved out of my way.

"I _want_ to do it," he moved again as I tried to make another grab for my bag. "Your limping, Remus, and your bag is pretty heavy. You have to go easy on your leg if you want it to get better soon."

"I…thanks," I was embarrassed that he had to carry my bag for me, but I couldn't help but smile. It felt great to have someone who cared for me. I don't think anyone's ever offered to help me when I was recovering from a transformation before; except maybe Sirius.

No! No more thinking of Sirius, I told myself. He has Sally, now. And even if he didn't, there's no way he can love you in a romantic way. I need to stop thinking about Sirius and try to move on. Move on, move on, move on!

"So how did you get that limp, anyway?" Avery asked, stopping my internal scolding. He looked at me with curiosity evident in his blue eyes.

"I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and took a bad fall," I reply sheepishly. With all the injuries I've had over the years, I've gotten pretty good at lying about how I've gotten them. It makes me come out as clumsy, but it's better than the truth.

It wasn't long before Avery and I entered the Great Hall side by side, with him still holding my backpack. I had taken a while finishing my essay and most of the students were already seated and eating breakfast. I thought that Avery would hand me back my bag as soon as we reached the Great Hall, but he didn't. He was just about to walk over to where Sirius was. Sally was at his side as usual, but he was looking at me and Avery with a weird expression on his face.

I put my hand on his elbow to stop him and started walking over to where Lily was sitting, watching us with an excited expression on her face. Avery looked at me questioningly. I can practically hear him wondering why I wasn't sitting with my friends. He didn't say anything though; he just followed me to where Lily was. He didn't let go of my bag until I finally took a seat next to Lily.

"Go easy on your leg," Avery slid my bag off his shoulder and handed it to me. "I'll steal your bag again and walk you around this whole castle if I have to."

"Thanks," My face was burning now. I could feel the people around me looking at me curiously and feel Lily practically about to burst with questions. Avery gave me one last smile before walking over to the Ravenclaw table. Once he was out of earshot, Lily turned to me.

"Okay Remus Lupin, talk."

I laughed at the excitement in her voice and quickly told her what had happened that morning. If I had bothered to look over at the other side of the table, I probably would have noticed Sirius shooting me strange looks all throughout breakfast.

**Another chapter finished. Review, yes?  
And a big thanks to all those who reviewed, alerted, and added this story to their favorites. You have no idea how happy that makes me feel. *hugs* for you all!**

**Now, my classes start up again in a week so I have no idea how busy I'll be after that. BUT, I'm trying to write as many chapters now in the week I have left. I'll post up the finished ones every few days, or sooner if I'm motivated enough *hinthint* =D**


	5. Chapter 5

I've managed to avoid Sirius all morning, and that was saying something considering we had all our morning classes together. He's made numerous attempts to talk to me during class, but luckily, the teachers had either kept us busy, or Lily managed to get in the way. But as lunch drew closer, I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid Sirius for too long. He sent me a note in class telling me that he still wanted to apologize for missing the last full moon; he still thought I was mad at him for not being there.

I made my way down to the Great Hall with Lily. Ahead of me, I caught a glimpse of Sirius walking up to Sally and giving her a peck on the lips as a hello. I felt my heart clench and tried to push the feeling away. I was supposed to be forgetting about Sirius. Halfway to the Great Hall, Lily realized she forgot to get a book at the library. She insisted I go ahead of her, but I followed her. I didn't want to go to the Great Hall by myself, because I would have no teachers or lessons to get in the way if Sirius tried to talk to me.

"Remus, why are you avoiding Sirius?" Lily asked when we left the library.

"I'm doing what you said and trying to move on," I replied softly. "its hard being around him while he's Sally. I think that if I avoid him enough, I'll be able to move on faster. And soon enough, I can be around them without feeling like my heart was being ripped out of my chest."

"So are you going to give Avery a chance?"

"He isn't asking me out," I laughed at the disappointment in her face. "We're just friends, Lil."

"He walked you to breakfast _and_ he carried your bag for you," Lily pointed out.

"That doesn't mean anything. He just noticed the limp. He's just a good guy like that."

"Of course," she didn't believe a word I said.

We were the last ones to reach lunch because of the trip to the library. I cursed silently when I noticed that the entire Gryffindor table was full, and that the only empty seats were next to the Marauders and Sally.

"Lily!" James called, waving her over. She looked around the table, desperate to find another place to sit, but there wasn't another empty space. Lily's friends that she usually sits with were next to James.

"Looks like we have to sit with them," I wonder how odd it would look if I just walked out now and went to get something to eat at the kitchens.

"Remus! Lily!" I looked over at the Ravenclaw table and saw Avery waving me and Lily over. I glanced at Lily to see if it was okay. I took her huge grin as a yes. We promptly walked past the Gryffindor table and made our way to where Avery was sitting.

"I thought you might want to sit here," Avery explained. I took a sit next to him and Lily sat across from me, next to Karen, a girl I recognized from our Ancient Runes class. The two girls quickly fell into a conversation.

"Thanks," I started piling food onto my plate. I looked over at the Gryffindor table and saw Sirius and James looking at me and Lily.

"You're avoiding them, aren't you?" Avery's voice broke my attention away from Sirius's questioning gaze.

"What makes you say that?"

"Those guys are your best friends; you've been inseparable since first year. And this morning, I made my way over to them because I assumed you were sitting with them, like you have for the past seven years. But instead, you walked over to sit with Lily Evans. That made me realize that you haven't been sitting with those guys for a while now."

"Observant, aren't you?" Leave it to a Ravenclaw to work this kind of things out. I don't think most people would have noticed. He only grinned and shrugged, waiting for my answer. "I…don't want to talk about it."

"Then we won't," Avery smiled again, taking a bite out of his lunch. I was glad he didn't try to pry that information out of me. "So, how did you do on your essay?"

I had to patrol the halls after dinner, so I didn't get back to the common until pretty late. By the time I got there, most people were already in bed. The only people who were still in the common room were busy finishing up their homework. I was about to make my way up to the dorms to get ready for bed before Sirius came in--I know he stays with Sally until just before curfew—when I noticed James and Lily talking in the corner.

I would have thought that James was trying to get Lily to go on a date with him again, but the seriousness in his face made me think against it. I wonder what was going on. I decided to sit on the nearest chair and wait for them to finish. I'll just ask Lily what it was all about. After about five minutes, I saw James make his way upstairs. I stood up and went over to Lily, who was putting away her things

"What did James want?"

"He was asking about you," Lily answered. I felt my eyebrows go up. Me? But why? "He said that Sirius is upset because he's been trying to talk to you but you've been avoiding him. Apparently, Sirius thinks you're still mad at him, so James came and asked me to talk to you."

"Sirius thinks I'm mad at him?" I felt a small bit of happiness at the idea of Sirius caring about me, but at the same time, I felt anger building up.

"He can't be too upset about it," I replied with bitterness in my voice. "The only time Sirius has tried to approach me was when we're in the dorms or during meals or in class. If he truly cared that I was upset with him, he'd come looking for me himself instead of waiting until I'm around him."

"Well, he isn't exactly that bright sometimes." Lily answered as if that explained everything. In a way, it kind of does; Sirius can be a little dense when it comes to other people. He's smart when it comes to lessons, but with not so with life.

"I better get up to bed before he comes back from wherever he goes with Sally." Lily and I said our goodnights before we made our way up to our respective dorms.

"Remus, you're not upset with Sirius, are you?" James asked as soon as I walked in. Peter's eyes were also on me, waiting to hear my answer.

"I'm not upset with him," I made my way over to my bed and started changing out of my school clothes and into some pajamas.

"Then why are you avoiding him?"

"I haven't been avoiding him," I respond, buttoning up my nightshirt.

"Yes you have," Peter spoke from his bed. "We haven't seen you all weekend, and you ignored Sirius when he was trying to talk to you in class. And today at lunch, we were calling you over but you went over to the Ravenclaw table."

"I've just been busy, is all. And, I'm sorry I didn't sit with you guys at lunch, but told Avery I was going to have lunch with him." That wasn't exactly true, but they seemed to have bought it.

"Avery? The guy who carried your bag this morning?" James had changed into his sleepwear as well. "Wasn't he our classmate at one point? I didn't know you were friends with him."

A look in his eyes told me that James wasn't so sure when he said that Avery and I were friends. He probably thought there was something more going on there.

"We were friends a few years ago, but we haven't talked much in a while. We bumped into each other at the library and I almost forgot how much I enjoyed his company. I'm sorry I haven't been around much but I'm just trying to rebuild my friendship with Avery." I managed to say that all in a calm voice and with a straight face. It wasn't a lie, not really. I do enjoy being friends with Avery, but that wasn't exactly the reason I was avoiding them. I only wanted to distance myself from Sirius, but unfortunately, that meant distancing myself from James and Peter, too.

I heard the faint sound of footsteps approaching the door and hurriedly said goodnight. I quickly pulled the curtains shut around me. At the same time, I heard the door opening and Sirius coming in.

"He's asleep already?" I heard him ask James and Peter.

"He just closed the curtains right before you walked in," James replied. I could hear Sirius getting dressed for bed. "I doubt he fell asleep that fast. You could probably still talk to him."

"No, it's alright." I heard a soft sigh. "Did you talk to Lily for me?"

"I did. She said Remus wasn't upset with you, but she'll talk to him anyway."

"He _is_ upset with me. Why else would he be avoiding me? Ugh, I'm such an idiot for forgetting about the full moon!" There was a hurt sound to Sirius's voice, and I had to fight the need to go to him and comfort him. I didn't want him to think I was mad at him, but it was best if I didn't talk to him. It was the only way I can go back to being his friend without wishing I could be something more.

"He said he wasn't," Peter tried to reassure Sirius. "James and I asked him right before you came in. He said it was only because he wanted to rebuild his friendship with Avery."

"Avery? The blond bloke who walked him to breakfast? Who _is_ that guy anyway?" I felt confusion at the annoyed tone in his voice. Why would he be annoyed that Avery walked me to breakfast? Whoever answered him, I think it was Peter, had spoken in a soft voice so I couldn't hear exactly what he said. Sirius grumbled something in reply before saying goodnight and turning off the lights.

I lay there in the dark for a while, wondering what was going on. I don't understand why, but I get the feeling that Sirius isn't very fond of Avery. He had sounded annoyed when they mentioned him earlier, and I caught some of the looks he shot Avery during lunch. What had Avery done to make Sirius mad at him? I was left to ponder this as I let sleep take over me.

**So, how was it? This chapter was a little rushed. I hope it wasn't **_**too**_** bad.  
I went through registration today and I officially start school next week. Unfortunately, my biology class is at night so I may not have as much time to write as I hoped. I'll try to get as much chapters as possible done before classes start though.  
And, thank you for all those who have read, reviewed, and alerted my story. You guys rock! \(^.^)/ hugs for you.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter warning: language. It's really not much, but if you don't like that kind of stuff, then this is a little heads up.**

I knew it wouldn't be long before Sirius was glaring at me like I was the scum of the earth. I had just hoped that when he did finally look at me like that, I was able to run away. But no, that wasn't the case. I was trapped in our dorm room with an angry looking Sirius Black. And to make things worse, I was dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel.

I had stayed up late last night working on my essay for Ancient Runes. I realized a little too late that I mixed up two runes and so my essay was all wrong. By the time I had managed to fix it, it was already three in the morning. Because of that, I woke up later than I usually did. James and Sirius already left and Peter was just finishing getting dressed. I quickly made my way to the shower, grateful that I didn't have to deal with Sirius, who was still relentless when it came to trying to talk to me.

As luck would have it, I walked out of the bathroom right when Sirius decided to come back and get his book. This being the only opportunity he has with me without any way for anyone or anything to interrupt, he pounced. He shut the door and locked it. There would have been no way for me to get around him and through that door, and there was no way I was going to do that looking the way I did. So I stood here, fidgeting under his angry glare. He hadn't said a word since he locked the door and had just been staring at me.

At first, I saw his eyes widen with an odd expression and a soft blush reached his cheeks. I only had time to ask myself what that could possibly mean before his entire expression changed and he was glaring at me with all he was worth.

"Err," I decided that Sirius wasn't going to be speaking any time soon so I had to be the one who started. "Do you mind turning around or something? I don't like being watched while I change."

His glare disappeared and the blush returned to his cheeks before he looked off to the side, giving me some privacy. I went behind the curtains around my bed and hurriedly got dressed. As soon as I stepped out from behind the curtains, Sirius began shouting.

"What the fuck, Remus?" I winced and wondered if he put a silencing spell around us. If not, the entire school may have heard him.

"Yes, Sirius?" I tried to sound as calm as possible, but it was hard with the way he was looking at me. I hated having him look at me with so much anger in his eyes.

"Why the hell have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't been avoiding you, I've just been busy is all," somehow, I knew that excuse wouldn't work on Sirius as well as it did with James and Peter.

"Busy my ass!" Sirius took a step towards me. "You never sit with us at meals anymore and you ignore us during class. You even moved out of your seat to sit with Evans! I _never_ see you in the common rooms anymore. And the only time you come to the dorms is right before you're about to sleep."

"Lily's been helping me with classes and stuff. And I've been spending more time in the library to get work done." I wonder how bad it would be if I pulled out my wand to stun him so I could run. I doubt I could pull it off, though. Sirius was always better at dueling that I was.

"That's bullshit, Remus," Sirius took a step forward, and I took one back. The back of my legs hit my bed. "You do better in class that she does. You don't need her help; if anything, _she_ needs _your_ help. And you weren't at the library all the time at the start of the year. You only started doing these things since the full moon."

Wrong. I started doing those things when you started spending all your time with Sally. "This is our last year, Padfoot. And we're taking our N.E.W.T.s I want to do well, that's it."

"You're lying," Sirius accused. He always did have a way of seeing right through me.

I fidgeted around a little, unsure of what I should say. I looked up at him and opened my mouth, but nothing would come out. I closed and opened my mouth for a while, but still, no words would come. Sirius's expression changed from that of anger to that of anguish. I felt the urge to reach out to him and comfort him until that expression left his face. I fought that urge and stared down at my feet.

"Remmy," It seems like forever ago that I heard him call me that. I never realized how much I missed it.

No! You're not supposed to be thinking like that! You're supposed to be working on getting over him, not melting at some stupid nickname.

"Remmy," Sirius repeated. I couldn't help but look up at him. "I'm really sorry I wasn't there for you during your last transformation. I honestly didn't mean to miss it. I just lost track of time and forgot it was a full moon that night. You know I would never leave you out there to suffer on your own like that."

My heart ached from the sincerity in his voice. How was I supposed to find a way to get over him and move on when he's always so nice to me?

"Siri," I hadn't used that name in such a long time that it almost felt foreign to my lips. "You know I don't expect you guys to follow me on those things. You don't even have to go if you don't want to—"

"But I want to!" Sirius interrupted. "I want to be there to help you out and make sure you don't get hurt more than you have to."

"And I'm grateful for that, Sirius. I really am. And I told James and Peter that I understand that you guys forgot. It happens. It's no big deal. I don't see why you're letting it bother you."

"Because you told _James and Peter_, but you didn't tell me that. How was I supposed to know that it extended to me?"

"You know it did." I was having a hard time fighting the urge to reach out to Sirius. There was so much hurt in his voice and eyes that it was using up all my control not to reach forward and take him in my arms and hold him tight until everything was okay again.

"No, I didn't. I came in to apologize right after James and Peter did. But you just shut your curtains and went to sleep. That's another thing, Moony. You never shut your curtains before, unless of course you were getting dressed. But you certainly never spelled them shut. And every time you talk to James and Peter, the moment I walk into the room, you go straight to bed without a word or look in my direction! How the fuck was I supposed to know that you weren't mad at me?"

Sirius was shouting again. I hadn't realized he was taking this so badly. A part of me felt glad that he cared so much what I thought about him, but another part of me told me that I _shouldn't_ care so much. Because the only kind of affection I could get from Sirius was the kind friends give each other. And as much as I enjoyed that affection from him, that's not what I wanted. I wanted more.

"I'm sorry, Siri," and I truly was. "I didn't realize that it looked that way to you."

"Can we… Can we just go back to being friends again? Please, Remmy?" He looked at me with pleading and hopeful eyes.

"Of course, Siri. We'll always be friends." And sadly, that's all we'll ever be.

Sirius closed the gap between us and pulled me into a hug. Almost as if they have a mind of their own, my arms reached up and wrapped themselves around his waist. Sirius and I had always hugged each other. I hug James and Peter as well, but it was rare. Sirius and I would hug when one of us needed comfort, or even just to say goodnight. It wasn't weird for us; it was just something we did. I thought that the hugging would stop when I came out to them, but it didn't. Sirius didn't treat me any differently when he realized I was gay. He did, however, stop bugging me to get a girlfriend. Or, not really; all he did was change girl to boy.

And here we are, hugging again. I enjoyed the feel of arms around mine. I felt safe and secure in his arms. I silently wished that time would just freeze forever so that I would never have to move from this place. I noted how well our bodies fit together; almost like we were made for each other. The bitterness returned after that thought. This was probably someone's cruel joke. Sirius and I weren't meant for each other. We'll never be more than friends.

Sirius pulled away and I immediately felt the loss of heat. His arm was still slightly around my shoulders and I was already missing him. This wasn't how moving on was supposed to work. I was supposed to be avoiding him, not enjoying being in his arms.

"I guess we should head down to breakfast, eh?" Sirius gave me a cheeky grin that I had always loved. It was much like Avery's, though it held more mischief. "I'm already late meeting Sally as it is."

That one statement made me feel as if a bucket of freezing water was just thrown at me. Sally was always going to be on his mind. I felt the tightening in my chest that told me my heart was about to break again. How long do I have to go through this? How long until my heart will stop breaking at the thought of Sirius and Sally being happy together?

I nodded and forced a smile on my face. Sirius led the way. He talked all the way to the Great Hall. He was talking about Sally, of course. The entire time, I walked a couple of steps behind me, fighting off the tears that were threatening to spill, and trying to breathe through the pain in my chest. Sirius didn't notice a thing. And, why would he? He had to hurry to his girlfriend.

**Thought I'd throw in a little Sirius Remus moment. How was it, you reckon? Hope it wasn't too bad and overly dramatic. Reviews are greatly appreciated =)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Warning: Language towards the end. And I started writing this and my fingers just seemed to develop a mind of their own. This chapter got away from me and just wouldn't stop. Lol.**

Everything went back to normal after my talk with Sirius; and by normal, I meant that Sirius forgot that I wasn't hanging out with them anymore. It wasn't long before a month had passed and another full moon was coming up. I doubt that this full moon would be any different than the last.

Sirius had lasted an entire month with Sally, and that was enough to convince him that he was in love with her. According to Sirius, if he doesn't get tired of her within a few days, then she must be something special. I never understood his logic, but the fact that he was 'in love' with Sally was enough to make me avoid them even more.

The biggest change in the past month would have to be that James and Lily were finally together. That came as a big shock to everyone, especially Lily. But Sirius had planned something big for Sally on their three week anniversary that took up the entire weekend. That left James and Peter with nowhere to go, and that caused them to hang out with me and Lily. In that one weekend, James had managed to capture Lily's heart. Good for them.

I was happy for Lily, really I was, but at the same time, I couldn't help but feel insanely jealous of her relationship and James. It was something I could never have with Sirius. Of course, now that Lily and James are an item, Lily was spending a lot of time with the Marauders. Because Lily was with James, I spent most of my time with Avery. He was a great guy. He was smart, and funny, and really attractive. But there was just no spark between us. We went out on a date a while ago and it was fun—the most fun I've ever had on a date. But when he kissed me goodnight, I realized it wasn't going to work out. He was a great kisser, but my mind was still on Sirius. Apparently, I was destined to pine after Sirius for the rest of my life. Oh, how fun.

Avery and I are still friends though. We hang out all the time now since Lily is always with James. The date made the both of us realize that we're better off as just friends, and I didn't mind at all.

I put on a cloak and hurried to the Whomping Willow; I was already late as it was. I didn't want to transform here in the castle. As I approached the tree, I noticed that someone was already there waiting. I got closer and saw that it was Peter.

I stopped for a moment, too shocked to move. Since I left the group, I hadn't really spent much time with Peter. We hung out once or twice because we were both third wheels, but during those times, we never really talked. Peter and I were good friends and all, but I don't think we've ever really spent time just the two of us. I wasn't as close to him as I was with Sirius, and even with James. I actually always thought that the only reason he came to these things was because James and Sirius came.

"Peter?" out of the three of them, Peter was the last person I expected to come here, especially alone. "What are you doing here?"

"It's the full moon," Peter grabbed a stick and poked the knot in the tree. We hurried into the passage. "I'm here to help you with you transformation, what did you think?"

"I just thought that…" I never felt so grateful to be friends with Peter in my life. "Never mind; we better hurry."

"I couldn't find James and Sirius and I didn't want to be late, so…"

"It's alright Pete," I didn't really expect them to be here anyway. They have girlfriends to attend to now.

We made it into the Shrieking Shack and hurried to the room where I usually transformed. Peter transformed into Wormtail and sat in a corner and waited. I smiled sadly. I knew he wouldn't be much help as a rat; he was too small to stop the wolf. But the gesture is what mattered to me.

I felt the light of the moon hit my body and doubled over in pain. The transformation was starting. I bit down hard on my lip to stop myself from screaming out as I felt my bones moving around and my skin stretching and even tearing in some places.

"Remus!" I glanced at the door of the Shrieking Shack and saw a breathless James before a scream tore through my body. I caught a glimpse of him changing into a stag before my transformation was complete. But before I lost myself to the wolf, I had one final thought in my mind: Sirius wasn't here.

I woke up the next morning with my body sore all over. I ached everywhere, but my injuries weren't as bad as the last moon. I think all I had were a few scrapes and scratches here and there.

"You're awake," a soft voice caught my attention. I turned to the left and saw Lily smiling down at me. James and Peter were behind her.

"We brought you some chocolate," Peter moved forward and handed me a large bar of chocolate. I gave a small thanks and began to unwrap the bar.

"How come you never told us you told Lily about you being a werewolf?" James asked after I had taken my first bite. "We forgot it was a full moon until we were heading back to the Tower. I almost thought I wouldn't make it."

"I didn't tell her, she figured it out on her own." The rest of our conversation was interrupted when the nurse came out and inspected me. James, Lily, and Peter, had to wait outside. After making sure that everything was okay, she let me go to breakfast with everyone.

We walked in and saw Sirius already there. Sally was next to him, as usual. Everyone started walking towards the direction of Sirius, and I found myself following them. I wanted to walk away but James and Peter were busy telling me about their latest prank and I couldn't just leave without looking rude.

James took a seat next to Sirius and Lily sat next to him. Peter sat across from Sally, and that left me with the only seat left, right across from Sirius.

"Where were you guys last night?" Sirius asked as soon as we all sat down.

"Where do you think?" the comment left my mouth before I could even think about saying it. I hope it didn't sound as bitter to them as it did to me.

Sirius looked straight at me and I looked back, our eyes locking. I saw confusion in his eyes before they widened with realization.

"Oh shit, Moony, I'm—"

"Don't," I replied curtly. I don't want another apology, I really don't.

"What are you guys talking about?" Sally asked, with confusion clear on her face.

"Nothing," I snapped. I know I shouldn't have snapped at her, but I couldn't help it—I'm just so angry with her. I saw Peter and James giving me identical looks of disbelief. I wasn't one to snap at people, no matter how much I hated them. They always used to tease me about being polite, but it was just how I was.

"Remmy, I—"

"I really don't want to hear it right now, okay Sirius?"

I saw hurt in Sirius's eyes, but I couldn't find myself caring. James and Peter were looking at me as if I had just grown a second head. This was a side of me they never saw before.

"I don't feel very hungry," I stood up quickly and left before anyone could say anything. As soon as I stepped out of the Great Hall, I ran. I wasn't sure where I was going, only that I needed to run.

By the time I calmed down enough to stop, I found myself by the lake. I sunk down beside a tree and tried to catch my breath.

"Remus!" I turned around at the sound of my name and saw James running after me. He stopped right next to me. He bent forward with his hands on his knees. His face was read and his breaths came out in gasps.

"You run really fast, you know that?" He asked once he was breathing properly. He sank down beside me. I silently wondered why he was the one who had come after me. Lily probably sent him.

"What happened back there? That wasn't like you."

"I don't know, Prongs. I guess I just snapped,"

"But, you never snap at Sirius!"

"I…I don't know what came over me," what _did_ come over me back there?

"He's really sorry he wasn't there last night. But he and Sally were celebrating their one month anniversary. It means a lot to him."

"I used to mean a lot to him," I replied bitterly. I felt tears starting to build up in my eyes and bit the inside of my cheek to try and stop them.

James was silent; he didn't have a reply to that. He was looking at me in such an odd way that I regretted saying what I just did. "You do mean a lot to him, Moony. You're his best friend."

"_You're_ his best friend, James."

"But you and Sirius connect in a way that he and I don't and probably never will. It's all fun and games with me and him. You're the one he goes to when he's upset."

"In case you haven't noticed James, Sirius and I haven't talked in about a month."

"Remus, where are you going with all of this?" James asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I just…" I don't know what came over me at that moment. But all the pain that I had kept bottled up the past month just seemed to burst out. "We haven't talked to each other in a month, James. The last time we talked, he was apologizing for not being there during the full moon. He was upset because I was never around anymore and he thought it was because of him.

"He asked if things could go back the way they used to be and I said okay. I forgave him. But things didn't go back to the way they used to be. They can never go back to the way they used to be! And it's all because of _her._"

"Her? You're not talking about Sally are you?" I could see the concentration in his eyes. He was trying to figure everything out. "Remus, are you jealous of Sirius's girlfriend?"

"Yes!" my mind shouted no but my mouth said yes. I didn't seem to have control over any of my actions today. "I'm jealous because he spends all his time with her and not with me. The only time he does remember me is when he realized he forgot a full moon. I don't want to be remembered only one time a month, James." I wasn't sure when I had stood up, but I suddenly found myself looking down at James, who was still sitting on the ground.

"Sirius is new to this relationship thing. You know he's never had a real girlfriend before. He never found anyone he really liked. Give it a while and I'm sure he'll find a balance between his friends and girlfriends."

"It doesn't matter,"

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to be just friends with him!" I punched the tree. The pain in my arm seemed to fuel my anger even more. "I _can't_ be just friends with him because I love the fucking bastard."

"You what?"

I felt all the anger disappear as I looked down at James's shocked face. Fuck, fuck, fuck! I wasn't supposed to say that! I started panicking. James was Sirius's best friend. There was no way he was going to keep this from him. Fuck!

"I… I have to go," I turned and ran, leaving James sitting by the tree.

**Like I said earlier, I have no idea where this chapter was going. I hope it wasn't **_**too**_ **bad.**

**I'm not a big fan of Peter, but he had to have **_**some**_** kindness in him if they hung out with him all throughout Hogwarts, right? Hehe.**

**Anyway, classes start tomorrow so I might be busy. Thanks to everyone who alerted my story. It's nice to know you all want to read what happens next. **

**Please review? It'll definitely motivate me to write faster. And if you have any ideas, feel free to throw them in. I'm always open to suggestions ^_^**


	8. Chapter 8

**Warning: Language, because Moony has a potty mouth =)**

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Why did I have to blurt that out to James? Now he's going to tell Sirius and I'll be screwed. Fuck!

I was too busy screaming at myself in my head that I didn't realize there was someone in front of me until I bumped into them.

"I'm sorry!" I quickly apologized. I looked up and saw Avery looking down at me with concern.

"Are you okay, Rem?" I shook my head no. "What's wrong?"

"I accidently told James that I was in love with Sirius. And now he's going to tell him and I'm fucked."

"You're in love with Sirius? As in Sirius Black?" Oh, that's right. Avery didn't know. Fuck. If I kept this up, I was going to tell the entire school that I loved Sirius by dinner time. What was wrong with me today?

"I can't say I'm surprised," Avery continued. "It's pretty obvious with the way I've seen you look at him."

"Fuck," I cursed out loud. Avery looked at me in disbelief—I seemed to be getting that look a lot this morning—because I wasn't one to curse. "The whole school's going to know by the end of the day."

"I'm sure Potter won't tell anyone," Avery tried to reassure me.

"Sirius is his best friend, he can't keep something like that from him."

"But you're one of his best friends, too. I'm sure he'll keep your secret."

"I'm fucked," Avery laughed. Well, at least one of us finds this entire thing amusing.

"You're probably worrying over nothing, Rem. Come on, I'll walk you to class."

My class was still waiting outside for the teacher to open the door when Avery and I arrived. James was there standing next to Sirius. Sirius looked up and seemed like he was about to approach me but stopped when I took step behind Avery, using him to shield me from Sirius's wrath. I peeked over Avery's shoulder and saw that Sirius's eyes were filled with sorrow and remorse and not the hatred and disgust that I was expecting. I guess James hasn't told him yet.

"Want me to wait with you?" Avery asked, sensing my reluctance to stay here by myself.

"Don't you have class?"

"Nope, free period,"

"Thank you," I said so quietly that I wasn't sure he heard.

"Don't mention it. And see, Potter didn't tell him."

"It'll only be a matter of time before he does," I replied solemnly, avoiding Sirius's piercing gaze.

I spent the rest of the day avoiding everyone, even Lily. I sat as far away from them as possible during classes; I even went so far as to sit in the Slytherin side of the room in potions just to avoid them. And I spent all my meals at the Ravenclaw table with Avery. I was aware of not just Sirius's piercing gaze on me during the day, but also James's and Lily's. Peter and Sally looked on with confusion, but having five people stare at me all day was enough to drive me crazy. Because of that, I hung out with Avery in Ravenclaw tower when classes were over instead of going to the library like I usually did.

"You can't hide from them forever, you know," Avery pointed out while I stared into the fire.

"I know," I sighed. "But, I don't want to be around when James finally tells him. Who knows what he'll do to me. If I avoid them long enough, he'll have time to cool off before confronting me."

"I'm sure he won't take it too badly. He is your best friend after all."

"REMUS LUPIN!" a loud voice interrupted my answer. I looked over at the door and saw Sally coming in. I keep forgetting that she was a Ravenclaw. I felt all eyes in the room fall on me and Sally as she walked up to me. She stood right in front of me and put her hands on her hips. "I don't know what's going on between you and Sirius, but will you just talk to him already? He's been sulking all day!"

"I'm sure you can make him feel better," I replied bitterly. Oh Merlin, when did I get so bitter I think the full moon did something to me.

"What do you think I've been trying to do all day?!" Some spit flew out of her mouth when she shouted, eww. "But he just keeps going on about how he screwed up and now you're angry at him. And that you'll never forgive him."

"Give him a few days, I'm sure he'll go back to normal," I clenched my fist tightly, fighting the need to lash out and slap her. I don't think it would be a good idea to attack a Ravenclaw, especially a girl, in their own common room.

"What the hell happened between you two anyway?"

"I'm afraid that's none of your business." I tried to turn away from her, but it was hard when she was standing right in front of me.

"If it's bothering Sirius then it is my business! He's my boyfriend!"

"Then why don't you ask your boyfriend to tell you and stop bothering me?"I snapped. I was vaguely aware of the whispers going around the room, mostly from students who had been my classmates at one point. They'd never seen me like this. I was always the calm one. I guess I was just full of surprises today, wasn't I?

"I did! He wouldn't tell me!"

"And what makes you think I will?" I raised an eyebrow at her. Her breathing was in gasps and her face was red with anger. You know, she doesn't look so attractive and likeable like this.

"What the fuck are you guys keeping from me?" she shouted again. I winced. I'm surprised my ear drums haven't burst yet with how loud she's being.

"It's none of your fucking business," I stood up, forcing her to take a step back. I gathered my things and walked out of the common room, leaving her shouting behind me.

"I'm surprised you didn't slap her," Avery seemed amused as we walked down the corridor.

"I almost did," I couldn't help but laugh.

"You know, I'm sure Black doesn't hate you," Avery said after the laughter had died down.

"Sirius is straight. He'll probably freak out knowing that I've been living with him all this time and I have this huge gay crush on him."

"Maybe you're over reacting over nothing. I saw the way he looked at you today. He looked really sorry. And I've seen him looking your way sometimes when we hang out. Actually, if Black hates anyone, I think he hates me."

"You? Why would he hate you? He doesn't even know you." I've seen Sirius throw Avery some weird looks when he sits with us at the Gryffindor table sometimes, but I don't think he actually hates him. Sirius doesn't hate people without having a reason.

"I don't know. But every time we hang out, I notice him looking at you with a confused look, before he looks over at me like he's annoyed with me. If he wasn't going out with Sally, I would have said that he was jealous."

"Jealous? Why would Sirius be jealous?"

"Because he likes you?"

"That's not even funny, Avery,"

"I'm just saying," He held his hands up in front of him, as if he thought I was going to attack. "You and him were really close before he started dating Sally, and he seems to hate that we spend time together. Hell, his girlfriend is like a female version of you!"

"She is not!" I thought back to my argument with Sally. There was no way I was like that.

"Okay, except for what just happened earlier, you guys are pretty alike. She's smart like you, and she has the same sarcastic humor. And you did say she was doing all the things you used to do with the Marauders like helping them with their work and stuff. What if Black doesn't know he's gay yet and he's compensating by dating the girl version of you? Hell, you even have the same hair color and I'm not completely sure, but I think your eyes are the same color, too."

"Yeah right," I knew what he was saying couldn't possibly be true. Sally and I were nothing alike and Sirius is one of the straightest guys on the planet. But, a part of me couldn't help but feel hopeful. I was probably setting myself up for a lot of hurt, but I wanted to hold on to even the smallest bit of hope that my love isn't unrequited after all.

Before I knew it, we had reached the portrait of the fat lady. Avery and I stood in front of it for a while, talking about random things. I wasn't ready to go inside yet and he could tell. He didn't seem to mind at all that he was going to miss curfew.

After about twenty minutes, I realized I couldn't put it off any longer. I had to face them sooner or later. I took a deep breath and pushed myself off the wall.

"Thank you for helping me out today," I said softly, hugging Avery goodnight.

"I'm here for you anytime you need me, Rem," he said softly next to my ear. I hugged him a little tighter and smiled into his shoulder when he returned the hug. His hug was nothing like having Sirius's arms around me, but it was comforting nonetheless.

Avery and I pulled apart at the sound of the portrait opening. I saw Sirius standing there with the map in his hand. I saw the same pained expression in his eyes when he turned to me. But he turned to Avery and the pain was replaced with…anger? I wasn't sure what that look was, it was an angry look, but I've seen Sirius angry before and it wasn't the same.

"What are you doing here?" Sirius's words were cold. Hmm, maybe Avery was right about Sirius hating him. Though, I can't think of a reason why.

"Just walking Remus back, is all," Avery gave an unsure smile and started to back away. "I'll see you tomorrow, Rem."

Sirius continued to glare at him as he quickly walked down the corridor. Sirius didn't take his eyes off of him until he was out of sight.

That was when he turned to me. Fuck.

**Reviews are appreciated and loved :]**


	9. Chapter 9

"Remmy," Sirius's voice had an almost gentle sound to it. I'm guessing James still hadn't told him. "We need to talk."

"So Sirius, we don't," I tried to push past him, but he wouldn't let me. "Let me through."

"Not until you talk to me!"

"I told you: we have nothing to talk about."

"Look, I'm sorry I missed the full moon, alright? You know I didn't mean to do that.

That's a lot like what you said last time, I thought. Out loud, I said "Just forget it".

"I'm not going to forget it just like that. I'm sorry, I really am. Let me make it up to you."

"That's not what I meant."

"What did you mean then?" Sirius took a step closer to me, but I moved back. I don't want to be too close to him. I might give in and just forget everything and forgive him all over again.

"I meant just forget about all of…this. You don't have to be there during full moons anymore. I'll be fine on my own." The last thing I ever wanted to do was lose Sirius. And though he practically ignored me the past month, I never once thought of letting him and our friendship go. But, I realize now, that I might have to in order to get this hurt in my chest to stop. I was glad that my voice managed to stay calm throughout all of this.

"Don't be like that, Moony," Sirius looked at me with pleading eyes and I had to force myself to look away. "You know I like helping you. I'm really sorry I missed the last two moons. It's just that I'm new to this love thing and it took up a lot of my time."

Love. He _never_ said the word love before. In fact, I can vaguely remember him telling me that he'll never fall in love with anyone; he didn't believe in love. But now, here he was telling me he was in love with Sally.

"You don't have to be there. I don't need you." That was probably one of the biggest lies I've ever told. I needed Sirius; if not to love me than to at least be my friend. The wolf needed him, too. Peter and James were a big help but they could never keep the wolf busy like Sirius did, especially not Peter.

My words seemed to shock him because he didn't reply. I don't think I've ever said anything like that to him before. Even after the incident with Snape last year, I never told him I didn't need him. In fact, I told him how much I _did_ need his help during those nights.

I took advantage of his shock and walked right past him and to the Fat Lady. She seemed disappointed that the argument was over and she no longer had anything to keep her entertained. But, knowing Sirius, this little spat of ours was far from over. I suppressed a sigh and told her the password.

I walked past all the students in the common room, not even bothering to say hi to those that greeted me. I hurried to our dorm room. Sirius would snap out of it soon, and I don't want him continuing our fight where the entire House could see us. It was bad enough that I had a fight in the Ravenclaw common room; I didn't need another here.

I shut the door and muttered a quick silencing spell around the room in case Sirius showed up soon. I saw Peter sitting on his bed, watching me curiously. I heard the faint sound of running water; James must be in the bathroom. I made my way over to my bed, wondering if I could fake sleeping before Sirius gets here.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I turned around and saw an angry Sirius glaring at me. I guess I can't fake sleep this time.

I was about to answer but the door to the bathroom burst open and James quickly ran between me and Sirius. His hair was still wet and he only had pajama pants on. He looked between the two of us with a somewhat scared look on his face. I think he thought Sirius was about to kill me. I saw the scared look on Peter's face from over Sirius's shoulder and he probably thought the same thing, too.

"What's going on?" James asked the both of us, but he was looking at Sirius.

"Why the fuck are you pushing me away?" Sirius continued to glare at me, ignoring James question.

"I'm not pushing you away, Sirius," I tried to stay calm. "I'm just making things easier for us."

"Easier? How is telling me to stop showing up at the full moon _easier_?"

"So you don't have to stop everything you're doing with Sally and come to see me! This way, you won't have to worry about not being there anymore. You don't have to be there!" I saw James wince a little and realized that I was shouting, too.

"Guys, what the hell is going on?" James held his hands up, one hand in my direction and the other at Sirius's. I think he was expecting us to lunge at each other any time soon.

"I don't see you telling James and Peter that you don't need them!" It was as if James wasn't even there.

"What does that have to do with anything? And look at it this way, now you'll have more time to be in love!"

"Will someone please tell me what the fuck is going on?" Sirius had his mouth open and was about to reply but James beat him to it.

"Why don't you ask him?" Sirius finally answered the other boy.

"Moony, what's going on?" James put his arms down and turned to me. "Why are you and Sirius fighting?"

"I don't know, Prongs. I told Sirius he doesn't have to be there during the full moon anymore," I saw identical confused looks on James' and Peter's faces. They knew how much Sirius helped me. I also saw a flash of hurt appear on Sirius's face when I said those words before they quickly disappeared and he went back to being mad at me.

"Why would you tell him that?" James asked slowly. He turned so Sirius wouldn't be able to see his face. He gave me a look that I couldn't quite name, but I knew what it meant. He wanted to know if it had anything to do with what I had accidently told him earlier. I shrugged to answer his question; both the spoken and the unspoken one. I wonder why he still hadn't told Sirius about my crush on him.

"It's because of that Avery guy, isn't it?" Sirius shouted, the anger blazing even more in his eyes.

"Avery? What does he have to do with anything?" Why was Sirius bringing Avery into this fight?

"You've been different ever since you started hanging out with him. Is he the one who told you to stop hanging out with me?"

"What? Where did that come from?"

"You've been different ever since you started hanging out with him, Remus. You stopped hanging out with us and spent all your time with him! He's trying to take you away from us!"

"What? That's ridiculous!" James moved from his position between me and Sirius but he and Peter continue to stare at us.

"It's the truth!"

"Oh really?" Sirius wasn't making any sense, and I found myself snapping back at him. "Care to tell me when you suddenly realized that Avery was taking me away from you?"

"Uh," Sirius looked confused by the question but stopped to think about it nonetheless. "It was…two weeks ago. That's when I saw you guys."

Two weeks ago? That's when Avery and I went on our date. When did Sirius see us?

"Two weeks ago?" I let out a bitter sounding laugh. "You realized that I stopped hanging out with you TWO WEEKS AGO?"

"Yeah, why? Was it longer than that?"

I started laughing. I couldn't help it. It was just so messed up. I was laughing so hard that tears were in my eyes. Everyone in the room was staring at me with wide eyes. They had no idea how to react to this.

"Sirius," I stopped laughing and looked him straight in the eyes. My voice was flat and felt weird, even to me. "If you even _bothered_ to pay attention, you'd realize that I stopped hanging out with _before_ the first full moon you missed. And it wasn't because of Avery. I _chose_ to hang out with him. He wasn't stopping me from seeing you guys, I chose to hang out with him."

"I noticed that," Peter said softly from where he was on his bed. All of us turned to him and for a second, he looked like he regretted speaking up in the first place. But he continued. "I noticed out of nowhere he just stopped sitting with us at lunch. He sat with Lily and stuff. But then he started sitting with her in classes, too."

"Why didn't you say anything, Pete?" James asked. I glanced over at Sirius and he seemed deep in thought. I think he was trying to figure out if what Peter was saying was true.

"I thought they were working on something for school or whatever. And you guys didn't say anything either so I thought you knew." Peter shrugged. "Anyway, after that was the full moon that we all missed. And then _that's_ when the Avery guy first came. He walked Moony to breakfast. But he didn't start showing up on a regular basis 'til a little later."

The silence that followed was overwhelming. James and Sirius looked deep in thought. Peter looked like he was regretting speaking up again. I saw remorse in the taller boys' eyes. They probably realized that Peter was right. The silence got too much so I decided to speak up again.

"Well, at least Peter noticed that I was missing."

"Remmy…" Sirius turned to me, unsure of what he was going to say. I wished he would stop call me Remmy. As much as I loved that he had a special nickname just for me, I hate that he was using it now. It made it hard to stay mad at him. But I wanted to stay mad, _needed_ to. It was better this way.

"Don't, Sirius," I moved closer to my bed and opened my trunk, pulling a pair of pajamas out of it. I started getting changed while I continued talking to them. "It's better this way."

"Remus, please, I'm sorry I didn't notice, alright? I've just been—"

"Busy?" I had on my pajamas at this point. "I know, Sirius. You've been pretty busy lately; too busy to even realize your_ best friend_ isn't even around anymore. So let's just save ourselves the trouble and forget about it. This way, I won't have to get hurt every time you ignore me like I'm not even there because you're too busy with Sally. And, you won't have to feel bad every time you miss a full moon. Everyone wins."

I didn't give him a chance to reply. I pulled the curtains shut around my bed and placed a spell that locked them in place. I added a silencing spell and climbed into bed. I closed my eyes and willed sleep to come.

If I stayed with them a little longer, I would have seen the small tear that fell down Sirius's face. I would have seen James and Peter freaking out over seeing Sirius cry for the very first time in seven years. I would have seen Sirius wipe that tear away and run out of the room before James followed after him, Peter trailing behind.

**Another chapter in. Hope I didn't disappoint =) The reviews I got made me laugh and I felt that I just HAD to write the next chapter for you guys. And so here it is. Hope it wasn't too bad.  
I'm planning on writing the next chapter in Sirius's point of view. Weekends coming up so I'll have time to write it =D  
Reviews are appreciated and loved :]**


	10. Chapter 10

**For those who don't know, this is Sirius's point of view. Italics are flashbacks.  
And, a quick thanks to all my reviewers. You guys are awesome ^_^**

He didn't need me. I stared at the curtains around his bed. I saw a faint glow behind it and knew that he was putting up locking and silencing spells around it. He never did that before, not in the entire seven years that we've shared this room. He always left it open so we could get to him if we needed to.

His words were still ringing in my head. He doesn't need me anymore. What did that mean anyway? Did it mean that we weren't best friends anymore? Or that we weren't friends _at all_? I felt a sharp pang in my chest at the thought of me and Remus no longer being friends. I felt something sliding down my cheek and reached a hand up to it. I was shocked to see my hand wet. A tear fell down.

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye; Peter was getting out of bed. He and James were looking at me with wide eyes. They had never seen me cry before because I _never_ cried. But, why was I crying now? I don't understand any of this.

I did the only thing that felt right at the moment; I ran. I heard James and Peter calling after me as I ran out of the dorm room, but I ignore them. I ignore Lily Evans shouting at me for running through the common room, I ignored the shouts of the students I knocked into as I maneuvered myself around all the couches and chairs in the room, and I ignored the fat lady reprimanding me for slamming the portrait shut while she was asleep. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I didn't really care. I didn't care that it was after midnight and that anyone could easily spot me.

I stopped running when I reached the Astronomy tower. It was a school night so no one else was there. I leaned on the railings and stared at the stars and waning moon. The moon instantly made me think of Moony. Almost instantly, the pain returned in my chest and I had to fight the tears that were threatening to spill over. What was wrong with me? Why was I acting like this?

I heard footsteps behind me and knew that Peter and James had finally caught up. I didn't turn around to face them though. I stayed where I was. James moved to stand on my right and Peter on my left. We stayed in silence as the others stared up at the night sky with me. I realized that they were waiting for me to speak first.

"He hates me, doesn't he?"

"No he doesn't." I knew James wouldn't hesitate to try and make me feel better.

"Yes he does. You heard what he said to me. Remus _never_ says that kind of stuff to _anyone_. Hell, he's even nice to the Slytherins and those guys spend half the time insulting him."

"He could never hate you. He lo—" James stopped midsentence and stared at the moon. It didn't look like he was going to continue anytime soon.

"He what?"

"Nothing, he's probably just new to you being in a relationship, we all are."

"But you guys aren't taking it badly."

"Yeah, but Remus is alone now," Peter replied. James and I looked at the shorter boy who hurried to explain. "Ever since Sally started hanging out with us, James and I have been talking more. But Remus is left alone because you're busy with Sally."

Wow, when did Peter get so observant? I never really noticed that before. That's probably while he hung out with Evans and that Avery guy. I felt my blood boil at the thought of Avery. Who did he think he was anyway? Remmy was my friend, not his. I wasn't sure what it was about him, but I just didn't like him. I thought back to all of the times that I've seen him around Remus.

_I took my seat t the Gryffindor table and looked around for Remus. I still hadn't had a chance to apologize to him and he wasn't in the room when we woke up again. He's been leaving early and coming late since I tried to talk to him. I think he's still mad at me. I spotted Evans not too far away from us, but Remus wasn't with he's always been. Where could he be?_

"_Awww, they look cute." Sally commented, looking at something behind me. The girls around us made similar comments. I turned around to see what the big fuss was about and saw Remus walking—more like limping—towards the table._

_He was walking with a tall blonde; his robes say he's a Ravenclaw. What caught my attention, though, was the fact that the Ravenclaw seemed to be holding two bags. I recognized one of them as Remus'. The blonde looked like was heading this way, before moving towards Lily. I saw Remus reach for his backpack but the guy moved it away. He didn't return it until Remus was sitting down. He said something that made Moony blush before saying goodbye and walking over to his table._

_Who was that guy? And what was he doing walking Remus to breakfast and holding his bag for him? The Ravenclaw and Remus were sharing a smile from across the room. I heard people around me going on about how cute they would be as a couple and I felt myself getting angry. There was no way that blonde was Moony's boyfriend! I stared at the blonde and couldn't help but glare at him. _

_I saw James looking at me curiously from across the table so I turned my attention to Remus. He was talking to Evans, who kept giggling and looking back at the blonde. I think Remus was telling her about him. I felt myself getting mad again. I couldn't explain why I was so angry at the Ravenclaw. I didn't even have a reason to be angry with him. I just didn't like him for some reason._

…

"_Of course, Siri, we'll always be friends."_

_I walked closer to the smaller boy and hugged him. I hugged Remus more than I did James and Peter. I just didn't have the same relationship as them. James was my best friend out of all three of them, but sometimes, I felt closer to Remus. I could tell him things that I couldn't tell James. I tightened my arms around Remmy and felt him doing the same to me. This was nice. I liked his hugs best; they always felt nice and warm._

…

_I was making my way back to Gryffindor tower earlier that I usually would. Sally had work to do early tomorrow morning so we ended our date early. I heard a familiar voice when I approached the entrance to the common rooms. _

_Remus? What was he doing out this late? And who was he talking to? I inched closer, staying close to the shadows so I wouldn't be spotted. He was talking to that Ravenclaw again. What was his name? Oh yeah, Avery. What the hell was he doing with Remus this late at night? I saw him leaning closer to Remus. What the fuck? He wasn't going to try and kiss him, was he? _

_I felt relieved when Remus didn't respond to the kiss. But that feeling slowly disappeared when I saw Moony's arms snaking around Avery's neck. He responded eagerly to the kiss. My feet felt rooted to the floor and I couldn't move. The simple goodnight kiss had turned into a fiery passionate one. I knew I shouldn't be watching Remus's private moment, but I couldn't help it. As much as I didn't want to, I couldn't help but look._

_I finally tore my eyes away and looked down at the floor so I wouldn't have to see them snogging. I was surprised to see my hands balled up in tight fists. My knuckles were even white because of it. So are the rumors true? Are they really going out? And what the hell did Remus see in that guy? He doesn't look that great to me. I bet I was ten times better than he was._

_I stuck my hands in my robe pockets and leaned against the wall, waiting for them to finish. For some reason, I didn't want them to know I saw them. I found my wand in my right pocket and gripped it tightly, fighting off the urge to make Avery's head swell to ten times its normal size. When are they going to finish away? Don't they have to breathe? _

_After what felt like forever, they finally pulled away. Remus said goodnight and hugged Avery, before turning to the Fat Lady. She looked like she was sleeping but I saw her watching the two of them snogging for a while. Remus said the password and waved as Avery walked off. Avery passed by where I was hiding and I felt my grip on the wand tighten. After giving it some thought, I threw a tripping hex at him. I laughed silently to myself as he tripped over nothing and fell on his face. I silently left the shadows and made my way into the common room._

"We should head back to the tower," James' voice took me out of my thoughts. I nodded silently. James pulled his cloak out and the three of us squeezed in under it. It wasn't as easy as it was when we were younger, but we managed to get back without getting caught.

…

"And then he started shouting at me, can you believe him? All I was doing was wondering what was going on. He didn't have to be so rude!" We were at breakfast and Sally was telling me and the others about her spat with Remus. I wasn't the only one who was shocked. It wasn't like Remus to pick fights.

James was glancing back and forth between Remus and Sally, as if he was trying to understand the reason for the fight. I was trying not to look at Remus because he and Evans were sitting at the Ravenclaw table today. James was invited but told Lily he'll just meet her after breakfast because he didn't know any of the Ravenclaws and it would be weird. I couldn't look over at Remus without getting mad at Avery, who as sitting next to him. I tried to pay attention to Sally's rant, but it was hard. My mind kept going back to Moony.

Sally finally finished and pouted at me. I pecked her softly on the lips and she wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back, but in the back of my head, all I could do was think about how it wasn't as good as Remmy's hugs. I took a glance over at him and our eyes locked for about a nanosecond before he turned away. I saw Avery put his arms around Remus's shoulder and hugged Sally tighter to prevent myself from reaching for my wand and hexing him.

**Suggestions and Reviews are appreciated and loved :]**


	11. Chapter 11

I had been avoiding Sirius and the others for over a week now. Sirius had given up trying to talk to me after a few days. Though, on those few occasions when our eyes meet, his have a sad remorseful look in them. But those occasions are rare because most of the time, I just see Sally sending a glare my way when I let my gaze fall on the marauders. I got over our little argument ages ago, but apparently, she hadn't.

I sat on my bed, reading a book. Avery had a group study session today and I didn't feel like joining in. There was a quidditch practice going on right now so I had the dorm to myself. I looked up at the sound of the door opening and felt myself tense up.

"Moony?" It was James. I felt slightly better. At least it wasn't Sirius. I don't know how I'd handle a confrontation with him.

"Prongs? What are you doing here?"

"Practice was cancelled because it was raining too hard. I'm surprised to see you here." James went over to his bed and started changing into dry clothes.

"I felt like coming up here and spending some time by myself. Where's everyone?"

"Sally asked Sirius to follow him somwhere and Peter went down to the kitchen for a snack. Lily's got a project or something to work on, so I came up here."

"Oh, okay," I tried to go back to my book, but I found myself reading the same line over and over. James was sitting on his bed, just watching me.

"I didn't tell him, you know," James said after a while.

"I've been meaning to ask you about that." I marked my spot in the book and put it down. "Why haven't you?"

"It's not my secret to tell," James shrugged. "I was thinking about it, and I guess now I know why your relationship with Sirius is all messed up. I _was_ thinking about telling him, but I couldn't do that to you."

"Sirius is your best friend,"

"So are you, Moony. There's a reason you don't want Sirius to know. And if I were in your position, I woulnd't tell him either."

"Thank you, James." I turned away from him. I didn't want him to see my eyes tearing up.

"You know he's really torn up that you're not talking to him,"

"He's get over it," I felt the bed sink down a little and saw James sitting next to me now.

"No he won't. You know Sirius, he's one of the most stubborn people in the world. He won't stop sulking until you talk to him again."

"But it hurts just being around him." I felt my eyes burning again. Why was I so emotional today? "It was bad enough before he had a girlfriend, but now it's just…" I couldn't find the words to describe it but James understood what I was trying to say.

James put his arms around my shoulders and I leaned against him. This felt awkward for the both of us; we weren't exactly the hugging kind of friends. I wasn't sure what happened, but the warm feeling of James' arms around me did something to me. One minute, I was awkwardly hugging him back, and then the next minute, I was crying hard into his shoulder. James rubbed circles around my back and muttered comforting words into my ears. After a while, I pulled back and wiped my eyes. That was the closest James and I had ever been.

"Sorry about your shirt," I mumbled, blushing slightly. There was a huge wet spot on the shoulder I had been crying.

"Don't worry about it," James gave me one of his goofy grins and I smiled back. He pulled meinto another hug that I happily returned. It didn't feel so odd this time. I heard a loud slam and James and I pulled away. We both turned to the door and saw Sirius giving us a strange look.

"What's wrong with you, Padfoot?" James asked. "You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry," Sirius grumbled. He stalked over to his bed and sat down, his arms crossed in front of him. James raised an eyebrow and walked over to his bed and sat next to him. I pulled the curtains around my bed slightly and took my book back.

"What's wrong?" James repeated.

"I broke up with Sally," I was just about to put a silencing spell around my bed but Sirius's answer stopped me. I wanted to hear more.

"What? Why? I thought you really liked her?" James asked. I saw him glance in my direction through the gap in the curtains and kept my face buried in the book. They must have thought I put up a silencing spell like I usually did.

"She's been different lately," Sirius shrugged. "She keeps going on about how all I do is sulk and whine and not pay attention to her."

"Well, you have been sulking around a lot lately," James teased lightly.

"I told her I was just upset because Moony was mad at me, then she starts _another_ one of her rants about how much she doesn't like him. I know they had an argument, but you think she'd let it go by now. It's been weeks!"

"I still find it hard to believe that _Moony_ would get into an argument with her, or anyone for that matter. I didn't even think he was capable of raising his voice at anyone." James laughed and I found myself blushing. I didn't _mean_ to shout at Sally,I just sort of snapped.

"Me, too," Sirius laughed along with James. "I thought she was exaggerating until I asked those Ravenclaws." The two laughed a little more about my argument with Sally while I sat on my bed and tried to ignore my burning cheeks.

"So how are you? You just broke up with the only girl you've ever loved; that can't be easy," James said softly.

"To be honest, I'm not all that affected by it. I was expecting to feel sad or something, even just a little, but I'm not. And honestly, I'm actually happy I don't have to be with her anymore. She's fun and all, but after a while, it just wasn't the same anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"The first couple of weeks it was fun, you know? But then afterwards I just felt different. I didn't want to snog her or be around her as much as I wanted to."

"I thought you really liked her? You spent all your time with her." I was glad that James asked that because I was wondering the same thing.

"I _did_ like her. But not so much in a romantic sense anymore. I _thought_ I loved her, but then I started feeling different. The feeling just went away. But she was always insisting that we spend time together and she got mad when I didn't hang out with her and made a big fuss about everything, so I spent all my time with her just so she wouldn't get upset."

"Oh, I see,"

Sirius didn't really love Sally? I couldn't stop the grin from coming on my face. I may never have him, but at least I don't have to see Sally falling all over him all of the time now.

"Prongs, why is your shirt wet?" Sirius asked. Shit, I almost forgot about that. I wonder what James will tell him?

"Oh, that's nothing."

"Nothing my ass, Prongs. What happened there?"

"Moony was a little upset earlier, so I comforted him. He, err, kinda needed a shoulder to cry on."

"So that's why you guys were hugging earlier." Sirius said more to himself than anything else. "Why was he upset?"

"He's just going through a rough time is all, nothing to worry about. Have you seen Lily?" I rolled my eyes at James's obvious attemp to change the subject.

"No, I haven't. Now, what's wrong with Remmy? I know he's upset with me right now, but that isn't going to stop me from caring about him." I felt my eyes widen. Sirius still cares about me? Even if I've been ignoring him for so long now?

"It's not my place to tell, Pads," James said softly.

"You don't have to tell me _everything_," Sirius insisted. "I just want to know what's upsetting him. Maybe if I help he'll forgive me."

"He's uh, going through some relationship trouble." James answered after a while.

"That boyfriend of his isn't hurting him or anything, is he?" I heard the protectiveness in Sirius's voice… Wait a minute, boyfrend? What boyfriend?

"Boyfriend? Moony doesn't a have a boyfried, Sirius."

"Yes he does! That Avery guy. I saw them snogging outside the common room one night."

The only time Avery and I were 'snogging outside the common room' was when he kissed me goodnight after our first and only date. Sirius saw that? But, there was no one around at the time, I'm pretty sure of it.

"Oh, that guy, they're just friends. I wondered the same thing , too, but Lily told me."

"Friends? Friends don't just snog each other, Prongs. Otherwise, you and I would be snogging right now."

"Eww!" I tried not to laugh at the expression on James's face. James made it very clear that he was perfectly find with homosexuality, as long as they didn't try anything on me.

"You know what I mean," Sirius laughed.

"I know they went on a date once, but it didn't work out so they decided to just stay friends. Or, that's what Lily said." James shrugged.

"So Remmy doesn't have a boyfriend?"

"No, he doesn't."

"Hey guys!" the door opened and Peter walked in with some cupcakes in his hands. He offered some to James and Sirius who took them. "Sirius, why is Sally telling everyone you broke up with her?"

"Because I did," Sirius said through a mouthful of food. "I should have known she'll tell the whole school."

"You know, with what she's been teling everyone, I doubt any of the girls will go out with you for a while," Peter moved to sit on his bed.

"Then I'll just move on to the guys," Sirius shrugged. "The girls are getting boring anyway."

I felt myself choking on air. Did sirius just say he was going to date _guys_ now?

"What?" James seemed just as shocked as I was. "Since when were you into guys? I thought you were straight?"

"I never really thought about it, actually," Sirius shrugged. "I've never tried being with a guy before, and I must admit, I'm curious. I never even considered it until Moony told us he was gay. Then it had me wondering. I still like girls though. Hmm, I'm not sure what that means."

"Maybe it means that you're bi?" Peter suggested.

"Maybe?" Siriu shrugged, finishing off his cupcake.

"Hey, is Moony in the room?" Peter asked, looking in my direction. I knew he couldn't see me because the curtains were drawn and the gap in the curtains wasn't facing him. I saw James and Sirius nod. "Then why are we talking about him like he isn't here?"

"He put a silencing spell up as soon as I walked in," Sirius answered gloomily. The three finished off the rest of the cupcakes and went down to the common room.

I stared down at the forgotten book in my lap. I wasn't up for reading it anymore. I had too much on my mind. Sirius was possibly bi. Did this mean that I had a chance?

**So how was it? Sorry it took a while. FanFiction wouldn't let me upload this .**

**Suggestions and Reviews are Appreciated and Loved :]**


	12. Chapter 12

Sirius was possibly bi. That was like the silver lining to the storm cloud of events that have been happening recently. Even if he wasn't completely sure yet, this meant I had a chance right? Even just the smallest of chances is better than no chance at all. The only real question now was: am I going to take that chance?

Before, one of the things that held me back from taking that chance was the fact that Sirius was as straight as they come. But apparently, he isn't as straight as I thought he was. Truth be told, I'm still shocked that Sirius Black was bi. If I hadn't heard it from Sirius himself, I never would have believed it. The fact that he's bi increases by chances with him. The biggest reason why I never took the chance before was that I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But, was there still a friendship there given all the recent events? At least if I took that chance now and he rejected me, nothing would have changed. We'd just go back to ignoring each other. This was quite he dilemma for me.

I occasionally caught Lily and James looking my way. James had told Lily about Sirius's recent announcement and she thought it was a wonderful time to take that chance. James agreed with her—but I think that's because he's just smitten with her. Even Avery thinks I should try and take a chance with him. Everyone who knew of my feelings for Sirius told me I should go give it a shot. But, I'm afraid. His rejection would hurt more than anything.

I've never felt for anyone the way I felt for Sirius and his rejection would hurt more than anything else I've ever felt before. I just know it.

"I think you're just being over dramatic," Avery pointed out to me one night. "Really, what do you have to lose? You can't say friendship because you guys aren't exactly friends right now anyway."

"But what if he rejects me?"

"Would you rather spend the rest of your life wondering what _could_ have been?"

"It's better than risking what hope we have to restoring our friendship."

"Life's about taking chances, Rem. A life without risks isn't a life worth living," Avery reached across the table and held my hand. "Sure, you're risking a lot of hurt with this, but think of what you have to gain. You could win the heart of the love of your life. You want that, don't you?"

"Yes, but I'd rather be friends forever with him than an ex he forgets as soon as the relationship ends."

"I know this is a tough choice. I wish I could say I understand what you're going through but I don't. I haven't exactly found love yet. But you have. People spend years trying to find love, and you found it in Sirius. But you're never going to know if he returns your feelings if you don't go out there and find out."

"But what if he _doesn't_ return them?"

"You're never going to find out until you try. If you ask me, I'd rather go out there and risk friendship for the chance of love instead of spending my days wondering if I ever had a chance."

"I'm not much of a risk-taker. That's more of Sirius's job."

"Well, there's a first time for everything."

"I need to think about this some more," I sighed, returning to my half written essay.

"Fine, but if you don't do something about it soon, I will. I'll even get your friends to help me if I have to."

xXx

I thought and thought about this. I stayed up late at night trying to think about what I should do. And instead of paying attention in class, I found myself pondering over my predicament. After giving it some thought, I realized that Avery had been right. I had to take a chance if I wanted to stop wondering what my life would be like if Sirius and I had gotten together. I was going to take this chance. Now was as good a chance as any.

Now, I have to figure out how to approach Sirius with this. I can't just go up to him and ask for a date; especially not after I told him I didn't need him in my life anymore. My first course of action now was to become friends with him again. It can't be that hard, right?

I was going to have breakfast at the Gryffindor table for once. This is going to be my first meal at my own table in a long time. I found Sirius and the others in their usual spot at the table and approached them. Lily now occupies my usual seat next to James and across from Sirius since I hadn't been around. I stopped right behind Sirius and cleared my throat, getting his attention.

"Is it alright if I sit here?"

"Sure," Sirius mumbled, already turning his back on me. He scooted over, making room for me on the seat. I sat down next to him and gave him a warm smile. He looked confused at first but gave me a small smile of his own. It seemed that he was unsure what to make of my sudden change in behavior.

Breakfast was awkward at best. I tried to engage Sirius in conversation, but his replies were always short one word answers. I should have known this wasn't easy. Sirius could be real petty at times. I told him I didn't need him, so now he's going to ignore me. You'd think that he'd be happy I was talking to him again since he was so upset that I wasn't talking to him, but Sirius wasn't the type to just let things go like this. I upset him when I told him to leave me alone, so now he's going to ignore me until he thinks I've 'suffered enough'. I hate that he's being difficult like this when I tried so hard to work up enough courage to come and sit with him, but I got to admit, he's cute when he's sulking like this.

I suppressed the need to bang my head against the table and looked around the room. Avery gave me an encouraging smile and a thumbs up from the Ravenclaw table, but I just made a face at him. Across from me, James gave me a sympathetic smile. He got the same treatment when he told Sirius to leave him alone during one of their rare arguments a few years ago. Sirius sulked around for a while, and then they made up. I just hope it ends that way for me. I treated him a little worse than James did.

During classes, I went back to my original seat near the middle of the room in front of Sirius and James instead of sitting up front with Lily. I even spent breaks with them at our usual spot next to the lake. It was just like old times with the Marauders, except that Sirius wasn't talking to me.

After classes, we all went to sit in front of the fire in the common room. It was getting colder because winter was coming. James went to sit next to Peter, leaving Sirius no choice but to sit next to me. I gave James a grateful smile. James and Peter began talking about what James should get Lily for Christmas, which left me and Sirius in an awkward silence.

"So, uh," Sirius glanced over at me and I tried to think of something to say. "I heard about you and Sally."

I wanted to slap my head. That was a stupid conversation. That happened a week ago so it was already old news. I bet Sirius was tired of hearing about it by now.

"We didn't work out," Sirius shrugged.

"I'm sorry," I wasn't really, but I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm not."

"Oh…" Sirius wasn't going to make this easy for me. I was never one for small talk. Usually, it was Sirius who kept the conversation going. I'd just add my own input every now and then.

"So how have you been?"

"Fine,"

"That's good. I've been fine, too."

"Okay." Sirius was going back to one-word answers again. I felt like I was talking to a wall. James gave me encouraging smiles whenever I looked his way, but it felt like nothing I did was going to work. It went like that for a couple hours. I would ask questions and try to come up with something, and Sirius would keep his answers short. At some point towards the end, he just stopped talking all together and just nodded, shrugged, or shook his head. I felt like wringing his neck. Why did I have to fall in love with someone who's so difficult?

"I'm going to bed," Sirius announced. He didn't wait for anyone to reply and just started heading up the dorms. I sighed and slumped in my seat. So much for trying to be friends with him again.

I heard James clearing his throat and looked up at him. He gave me a look before glancing at the stairs leading to the dorms. Peter glanced back and forth between us in confusion. I just shrugged, telling him I don't think it was a good idea. James glared at me and I stared back. We had a bit of a stare off for a while before I finally gave up and headed for the dorms. I'm pretty sure James is only being so insistent on Lily's orders.

I walked into the dorms and saw Sirius lying down on his bed.

"Sirius?" he looked up at me. "Are you busy?"

"No," He raised his eyebrows at me and I tried not to blush. Of course he wasn't busy. He was just lying there doing nothing.

"I…" I took a deep breath. It was now or never, Remus. "I'm sorry for how I've been acting towards you these past few weeks. I—I really didn't mean any of it. I'm so sorry, Siri."

"Why'd you say that stuff if you didn't mean it then?" Sirius sat up and stared at me with his piercing gray eyes.

"I don't really know. I guess I was just upset. You were so busy with your relationship then you started missing the full moon. I guess I thought I was losing my best friend."

"But you weren't! I know I was an ass for forgetting about it, but you know I didn't mean to! I'd never do that to you, Remmy."

I can't believe how long it's been since he's called me that. I really missed hearing that nickname. And to think, I used to hate it at first. "I know… I was just over reacting. I'm really sorry, Siri."

"I'm sorry, too." Sirius got off his bed and took a couple steps closer to me.

We stood there just staring at each other, neither of us not sure what to do.

"Can we… Can we just go back to being friends again? Please, Siri?" I smiled slightly as I repeated the same exact words Sirius said to me.

Sirius recognized the words and smiled, too. "Of course, Remmy. We'lll always be friends."

And just like before, Sirius and I hugged. But this time, I was the one who made the move towards Sirius and hugged him, just like I was the one to ask for friendship. It was exactly the same as last time.

Or, it wasn't _exactly _the same as last time. First off, Sirius and I switched role. Secondly, this time, we really will go back to being friends; not going back to ignoring each other. And, most importantly, this friendship was only the beginning. Once I repaired everything with Sirius, I was going to take my chance at love.

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	13. Chapter 13

In the past week since Sirius and I made up I have learned one thing: I _suck_ at flirting. I absolutely suck. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'm not like Sirius or James or hell, even _Peter_ when it comes to these things. I can't be overly friendly or touchy or make sexual innuendos. I can't do _anything_ even remotely close to flirting. I'm pathetic.

"I'm sure you aren't that bad," Avery commented when I told him about it. "I mean, we went on a date and stuff before."

"But that's because _you_ flirted with _me._ I just went along with it," I put my head in my hands. Why do I have to be so pathetic when it comes to relationships? "I'm not the type to make the first move."

"It's either that or you wait forever for Sirius to make the first move."

"You're not a very supportive friend, are you?" I crossed my arms and gave him a look.

"I'm supporting you by encouraging you to get the man you love. If that's not support, I don't know what is," Avery gave me a cheeky grin. I continued to glare but it didn't really do anything.

"Dinner's almost starting. I should go meet the guys," I packed up my stuff and Avery did the same.

"Sit a lot closer to Sirius this time," he suggested. "That's far from flirting but for you, it's a start."

Avery and I walked together to the Great Hall; we parted ways once we got inside. He went to his table and I went to sit next to the Marauders. I took Avery's advice and sat a little closer to Sirius than I usually would. Our knees were touching and our shoulders and hands brushed against each other whenever we moved. I was enjoying the warmth that came from Sirius. I had the sudden urge to wrap my arms around his waist and rest my head on his shoulder. Sirius seemed to have noticed the closeness and looked at me curiously. I smiled at him and went back to my food. He seemed to brush it off and do the same.

I caught Avery's eye and he gave me an approving look. I guess I was doing well so far. I just don't know what to do next. Where does one go after this anyway?

"Moony, are you okay?" Sirius asked, stopping me from trying to figure out what to do next.

"I'm alright, Pads, why?"

"You look a bit troubled," Sirius shrugged.

"I was just thinking about something," I gave him a smile to tell him I was okay. Avery and Lily had told me to start giving him flirtatious smiles now, but I didn't know how to do that. What does a flirtatious smile look like anyway? I've seen the smiles Sirius gave girls before, but I can't seem to get my mouth to do the same thing. I don't know how Sirius does it.

"Alrighty then," Sirius flashed me a grin. "So what are you doing after dinner?"

"I don't know, probably going back to the library again, why?"

"James has a study date with Evans and Peter has detention and I don't wanna be alone. So will you pleeease keep me company?" Sirius gave me a look that I couldn't say no to. And, this could be a good thing, too. I don't think Sirius and I have really spent time alone since we made up. James and Peter were always around.

"Okay," I laughed, going back to my meal.

After dinner, James and Peter went to where they had to go and Sirius and I went to the Gryffindor common room. We were some of the last to leave the Great Hall so by the time we reached the common room, it was packed. It seems like most people chose to stay in tonight.

"Wow, it's crowded in here, let's go up to the dorms instead," Sirius suggested. We maneuvered around the room and made our way upstairs.

I was going to be alone with Sirius in our dorm for a while. I could almost hear Avery's voice telling me it was the perfect time to put the moves on Sirius. But what his voice isn't telling me is moves I'm supposed to make. What counts as a move anyway? And, should I even be taking flirting advice from Avery?

"So…want to play chess?" I nodded and we walked over to Sirius's bed. He set up the chess board while I sat on his bed. We did this so many times before, but now it just didn't feel the same. It was awkward almost.

Our game began in silence and we both tried to come up with ways to best the other. My mind wasn't really on the game, though. What do I do now? Do I give him cheesy over exaggerated comments like he does for girls? Can you even flirt with someone while challenging them to chess?

"You know what I just realized?" Sirius asked while moving his rook to take my knight. "This is the first time we've been alone together since… well, you know."

"You know I'm not mad at you for any of that," The few times we've talked about it, Sirius was always being too hard on himself. Or, that's what I thought. Sure, I was upset. But I completely understand. I would have probably forgotten a few people if I ever went out with Sirius. Love is just something we can't help.

"I know," Sirius gave me a small smile. It wasn't as bright and happy as those grins that were usually plastered on his face, but it showed me how happy he was that I was no longer mad at him. Sirius ended up winning. He was always a challenge when it came to chess, and I wasn't exactly paying close attention.

"So what now?" I watched him put away the board then come back to sit with me.

"I don't know. Peter will be back in about an hour I think. And who knows when Prongs will get here," Sirius stretched out and put his hands behind his head, leaning back against the headboard. If he unbent his hands, they could end up around my shoulders.

_Get closer_, the voice of Avery appeared in my head once more. I did what it told me. I shifted a little and leaned back. I could feel Sirius's elbow right next to my head. We sat in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company.

"A full moon is coming up," Sirius finally broke the silence.

"Next week," I responded.

"Can I be there during your transformation?"

"Why would you ask something like that? Of course you can be there."

"You didn't exactly want me there last month, remember?" Sirius turned to me and gave me a small grin.

"I was just being moody," I replied, smiling back.

"You're not moody, you're Moony," Sirius joked. I chuckled despite how horrible that joke was.

"I'm glad we can joke around again,"

Sirius's arm dropped from behind his head to around my shoulders, giving me a one-armed hug. I leaned into the hug, resting my head lightly on his shoulder. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I couldn't seem to get my body to listen. Sirius stiffened for a second before relaxing. I was surprised at how well we fit together, at how right this felt.

"This weekend is a Hofsmead weekend," I pulled away from Sirius and almost instantly missed the warmth of his body.

"Is it now?" I nodded. Ask him to go out with you, I told myself in my head.

"What are you going to be doing?" I took a deep breath. Okay, Remus, you can do this. Just ask him to go with you. It's not that hard.

"I think James has a date with Evans, so I guess I don't have any plans, why?"

I had every intention of asking him out. My brain and mouth were already forming the words 'will you go with me?'

But instead, the words I heard coming out of my mouth were "Nothing, just asking."

I wanted to bang my head against his bedside table. I'm so pathetic when it comes to making the first move.


	14. Chapter 14

"Maybe I should just give up," This time, I really did bang my head on the table. I was with Avery at our usual seat in the library. I had just finished telling him everything that had happened last night.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad," Avery, being the great friend that he is, tried to reassure me.

"It was that bad! I had the words in my head but I couldn't say it. Why is it that I could muster up the courage to rest my head on his shoulders, but I couldn't work up enough balls to ask him to go to Hogsmead with me?"

"You rested you head on his shoulder after he put his arm around you, right?" I nodded. Avery looked really thoughtful for a while. "Well, I guess we know who the girl in the relationship is."

"Oh, shut up!" it took me a while to understand is joke. He grinned at me. "This isn't funny!"

"Okay, okay, just trying to have a little fun," Avery raised his hands up defensively. "But you really should make a move on."

"Why?"

"Because word about Sirius possibly being bi had spread to the entire castle and there are some guys who aren't afraid to test that possibility."

"What?" I felt my jaw dropping.

"Everyone knew that Sirius was every girls dream. A bunch of the guys were attracted to him even before they found out he was bi. And so now that it's out there, they're willing to try it out. So if you want to get to him before other guys do, then you better act fast."

"Great," I banged my head on the table once more. If I don't figure out this flirting business I'll never be able to get to him first.

"Remus, why are you hitting your head on the table?" I turned around and saw Lily staring at me curiously.

"He found out about the other guys who want to ask Sirius out, too." Avery answered for me.

"Why don't you just ask him out then? Before someone else does?"

"Because he's the kind to be asked, not the one who does the asking,"

"I always thought you'd be the girl in that relationship,"

"LILY!" I can't believe my ears. I just found out that I probably have like five other people who are going to try to beat me to Sirius, but all my so called friends seem to care about was that I was the submissive one in this relationship.

"I'm sorry," Lilly giggled. "But Sirius is much more dominant than you."

"That's beside the point!"

"Girls can ask guys out," Lily pointed out. Are they going to look at me like I was a girl now?

"Remus is too shy in the asking out department," Avery answered.

"He should take tips from James," Lily mentioned with a small smile.

"The only way this is going to work is if we get Sirius to ask him out," Avery quickly told her what had happened between me and Sirius. "It seems that Remus can follow a lead, but he can't start something."

"That's never going to happen. Sirius will never ask me out."

"You said that Sirius liking guys will never happen, and here he is openly saying he thinks he might be bi," Lily pointed out. I guess she did have a point there. "Maybe I can help,"

"How?" Avery and I asked in unison.

"I can ask James to plant the idea of asking Remus out in Sirius's head. Maybe he'll give it a shot."

"He doesn't like me like that," I said glumly.

"Now is not the time to give up," Avery threw a crumpled piece of parchment at me. "It took you forever to agree to ask him out in the first place."

"I'll talk to James," Lily patted my shoulder before walking off.

Avery and I stayed at the library until it was time for dinner. I walked towards the Gryffindor table and saw some students staring at me forehead. I hit my head on the table a few more times after Lily left and my forehead was still red because of it. I wonder if it'll bruise.

"What happened to your forehead?" Peter asked as soon as I stood down.

"I hit my head on the table," I answered calmly, piling food onto my plate.

"How hard did you hit it?" James asked.

"Hard enough to make it red," I shrugged. I rather not tell them I repeatedly banged my head on the table because I was frustrated about asking Sirius out. Especially when Sirius was sitting right next to me.

Sirius was acting strange. He hardly said a word during dinner despite my feeble attempts to strike up conversation. I wonder what was going on with him. I felt Sirius giving me odd looks all throughout dinner. Did my forehead look that weird? He and James shared looks I didn't understand whenever James saw him staring at me. I wonder if Lily talked to James already.

After dinner, we all went up to the common room to sit by the fire. After a while, both James and Peter disappeared, leaving me alone with Sirius, who was still acting strange. After a few minutes of silence and the occasional awkward conversation, I decided to ask him what was wrong.

"Siri, what's wrong?"

"Huh?" Sirius looked at me as if he wasn't sure what to think.

"You've been acting odd since dinner. You're just sitting there being all quiet. That's unlike you."

"Oh, it's nothing Remmy, I'm just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

"Just something James said."

"What did James say?" I asked, even though I had a feeling I knew what it was.

"Nothing. Hey Moony, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Pads, what is it?"He wasn't going to ask me out, was he?

"What's it like to kiss a bloke?"

That question wasn't on the list of things I expected Sirius to ask me.

"Why do you ask that?"

"I was just wondering. You know, with this whole bi thing…"

"You aren't having second thoughts about being bi, are you?" please say no.

"No, it's just that I've never been with another bloke. I was just wondering."

"It's the same as kissing a girl, really," I answered. "The only real difference is the person you're kissing is a bloke instead of a bird."

"Oh…"

We fell into an awkward silence after that. Or, it felt awkward to me. I couldn't really read Sirius's face. He looked very thoughtful though.

"You know, I got asked out by a bloke today," Sirius after a while.

"What?" I nearly choked on the word. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Someone already beat me to it.

"It was that huge guy, Mark or whatever, from Hufflepuff."

I knew Mark. He was a few years younger than us. I think he's a fifth year—fourth year at the least. He had tried to ask me out last year. He was quite huge and very temperamental. I had said yes because I felt bad for him. Our date ended after an hour. He gets upset when you don't pay attention to what he's saying and he loves to gossip too much for my tastes.

"What did you say?"

"Well, he asked me to Hogsmead," Sirius shrugged.

"And?" There's no way Sirius would have said yes, right?

"I told him I already had plans."

I felt a wave of relief flood through me.

"I'm sure he isn't that bad a guy," Sirius continued, "But that would have been the first bloke I went out with, and for some reason, I didn't want it to be him. I can't really explain it."

"Oh, I see," what kind of guy did he want his first male date to be I wonder.

"Yeah, now I need something to do so he knows that I didn't lie to him."

I nodded. Ask him out! I was practically yelling in my head. Now was another good time. Sirius needed something to do this weekend, why not ask him to spend it with me? I have nothing to do either. But my mouth didn't seem to listen to me; no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get it say the words out loud.

"So, want to go to Hogsmead with me?" Sirius asked.

"what?" did I hear him right?

"I said, 'want to go with to Hogsmead with me'." Sirius repeated. "I don't want Mark to know I lied to him. Unless you have plans already…"

"No," I said almost too eagerly. "I don't have plans. I can go with you."


	15. Chapter 15

N't I was going to Hogsmead with Sirius. I couldn't believe it. This was like a dream come true. Granted, it wasn't a _real_ date. We were just going together so that Mark or whatever his name was wouldn't know that Sirius was lying to him. But still! After grinning like an idiot all day, I realized something. I had no idea what I should do, how I should act, and what I should wear. I immediately started panicking. What if I'm so lost and confused that Sirius realizes that I wouldn't make much of a partner in a relationship?

"Is there a reason why you made me wake up at five in the morning to meet you hear?" Avery asked. We were at the room of requirement so that no one could see us.

"I was up all night panicking," I told him. I started pacing in front of him while he sat on a comfortable looking chair the room had provided.

"Why?"

"Sirius asked me to go to Hogsmead with him,"

"What?" Avery sat up, no longer looking sleepy. "That's great! What are you worrying about? How'd you get him to ask you? Was it what Lily told James to tell him?"

"He got asked out by some guy. Clark or Marvin or something; I can't remember his name. Sirius didn't want to go with him so he lied and said he already made plans for that day. And so he asked me so that bloke wouldn't know that he lied to him. So it's not really a date."

"It's still something. Now, why are you worrying?"

"I don't know what I should do or wear or anything!" I stopped pacing and flopped down on the seat with Avery, which I noticed had gotten bigger when I was about to take my seat.

"Remus, I dated you before, remember? You know how to act on a date. And if I remember correctly, you didn't dress too badly either."

"But this is different!"

"How is it different?"

"You asked me out because you wanted to go out with me. Sirius asked me so he could avoid a date with some other guy,"

"I'm sure it won't be that different."

"It will!"

"You're probably worrying yourself over nothing, Rem,"

"But I want this to be go great,"

"And I'm sure it will. You just need to relax."

"James, what _did_ you tell Sirius anyway?" Lily asked. James, Lily, Avery, and I were in the library. Sirius and Peter didn't want to spend their free period in the library so they were off somewhere else. The main reason Lily made James come here was because I wanted to know how he got Sirius to ask me to go with him to Hogsmead.

"Well, I talked to him after that Hufflepuff asked him out," James answered. "I kind of told him that maybe he should spend his first date with a bloke with a guy he actually knows and likes being around. He asked where he'd find someone like that and I reminded him that Moony was gay."

"So agreed just like that?" I asked.

"Well, no," James shrugged. "He was unsure about it. Going on about how you guys were best mates and it would make things weird if you guys went out. I was actually surprised he asked you. He made it sound like he really didn't' want to ask you."

The happiness I felt at the idea of going to Hogsmead with Sirius began to fade. Did he only ask me because James said he should?

"Hey, don't let that get you down," Avery poked me in the cheek to get me to smile. "All that matters is that he asked you."

"Yeah, Moony," James agreed. "He asked you. That means something, doesn't it?"

"I guess," I wasn't so sure anymore.

"You just have to show him on your date that you're boyfriend material," Lily put a comforting hand over mine.

How do I show Sirius that I can be a good boyfriend for him? I'm nothing at all like all those other relationships he's gotten into.

Before I knew it, it was the weekend and I was getting ready to meet Sirius. Sirius was down at breakfast with everyone else but I decided to skip it to get ready for Hogsmead. What do I wear? I don't exactly own anything fancy looking like Sirius and James.

I decided on something simple. I chose a nice pair of jeans and a simple dark blue turtle neck because it was cold outside. I rummaged through my trunk for my nicest looking cloak then went about to fixing my hair. I never did anything to my hair before. I usually just ran a comb through it and left it as it is. It usually ended up getting into a mess and getting into my eyes. I didn't want to spend the entire day having to push my hair out of my eyes. Maybe I should get a haircut? It really was getting too long.

I finally decided on combing it back and using some hair gel to keep it in place. At least this way, I won't have to worry about it flopping all over my eyes when Sirius and I hang out.

After I was sure I looked perfect, I left the dorm room and went to meet Sirius downstairs. I had taken longer than I thought. Breakfast was already over and everyone was heading out to Hogsmead by the time I got to the Great Hall.

"There you are," I turned around and saw Sirius walking towards me. "I was wondering where you went. Why weren't you at breakfast?"

"I wasn't hungry," I replied, fidgeting slightly under his gaze. "Let's head out?"

"Alright then, where to first?"

"I don't know, you decide."

Sirius and I spent a few hours just walking around the place. We went into a few shops every now and then and looked around. The Christmas season was coming up and I a lot of the stores were already preparing for it. Sirius and I looked through each shop talking about what we would get the others.

It wasn't exactly a romantic thing to do; it was more what two friends would do, but I liked it nonetheless. It was fun just talking and joking around with Sirius. The nervousness I felt about going on a date disappeared and I found myself having a great time.

"Its lunch time," Sirius looked down at his watch. "Why don't we go to the Three Broomsticks and get something to eat? You didn't eat breakfast after all."

We found seats and Sirius ordered us some butter beers and some lunch. The waitress came with the butter beers and I went straight to drinking it. It felt great after being outside in the cold all morning.

"You alright?" I asked Sirius after we were half way through our meal. "You've been quiet ever since our food came."

"I'm fine, just thinking," Sirius looked up from his plate and flashed me his signature Sirius smile.

"You always seem to be thinking," I smiled back.

"I've just had a lot on my mind," Sirius shrugged. "I blame James actually."

"James?" I acted like I didn't know what was going on.

"He said… Well, it's stupid,"

"He said what?"

"It's stupid,"

"I still want to know what it is," I insisted.

"Well, he said I should try going out with you," Sirius let out a bit of a nervous sounding laugh.

"He said what?" I tried to act surprised.

"It's stupid, right?" I felt my heart sink at calling the idea stupid but kept the smile plastered on my face because he was still talking. "Just because he has two friends who just happened to be fancy blokes doesn't mean that they'll like each other."

"Yeah," I laughed along.

"So is that why you asked me to Hogsmead?" I asked. I tried to make myself sound like I was playing around.

"Well, no," Sirius replied. "I really did need something to do so I wouldn't be lying to Mark. And I like hanging out with you; you're one of my best mates! And I would have asked you to come along with me even if I wasn't bi. It's just that it's been on my mind a lot ever since James mentioned it."

"Oh?"

"Hey, don't get me wrong, Remmy, I'm sure you'll make a great boyfriend. But you and I are best friends, and that's it. You know how I get with relationships. I tend to lose interest fast, and if I ever did that to you, who knows how awkward things would be."

"My thoughts exactly," I replied, smiling back. Sirius has the same reasons for not getting together with me that I did. He didn't want to ruin the friendship on the off chance that we might have something together.

I looked away from Sirius so he wouldn't see the hurt in my eyes. I noticed something as my gazed passed over the back of the room. I saw Lily, James, and Avery watching us. It looks like they dropped what they were doing today to see what would happen between me and Sirius. I noticed James's wand pointed in my direction and realized he must have done an eavesdropping spell. They probably heard everything.

James looked unsure. Lily looked almost apologetic; I could practically hear her telling me how sorry she was and trying to make me feel better. Avery's look was harder to read though. He gave me a small smile that I took to be reassuring. But there was a certain look in his eyes that made me feel uneasy. It felt like he was up to something.

"Let's get out of here?" Sirius asked. I turned back to him and nodded. He didn't seem to realize the others that were still watching us. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw them get up after Sirius and I got up. It looks like they were still going to follow us around.

Once we reached the door, I turned to Sirius to ask him where we were going next. As soon as I turned around, I realized how close we were. He hadn't expected me to stop. We were only mere inches apart. I saw something moving behind Sirius but reacted too late. Before I knew it, someone had knocked into Sirius, causing him to fall forward.

My hands shot out to help him, but I was too slow. The weight of his body knocked me over, pushing me against the closed door. My hands were against his chest, and his hands, which reached out to grab hold of something when he fell forward, had somehow ended on my shoulders. But that wasn't the most shocking part.

Whoever had knocked into him had made him fall forward, which made his head bend down just a little. And, oh god, his lips had ended up on mine. Of course, my face stung a little from the force of Sirius knocking into me, but I was too busy paying attention to the feeling of Sirius's lips against mine. Oh dear Merlin, please tell me this isn't a dream.


	16. Chapter 16

Oh my god. I was kissing Sirius. Granted, it was all an accident, but that didn't matter right now. What did mater was his lips on mine—Merlin, his lips were softer than I imagined. I wasn't planning on moving any time soon; and even if I did want to move, which I didn't, I couldn't because Sirius was pinning me to the door. Thank god no one has opened it yet. Otherwise, I'd be flat on my ass on the ground outside by now.

Remus, what the hell are you doing? A voice shouted in my head. Stop thinking so much and just enjoy the kiss! The voice was right. I think too much. I fought to keep as still as possible. I don't want to scare Sirius away by showing him how much I was enjoying this or shoving my tongue in his mouth.

I heard a cough behind us and that seemed to snap Sirius out of the trance he was in. He pulled away quickly. Though it had only been a second or two, it felt like I was kissing Sirius for ages. I looked up at the people who had coughed and saw two elderly witches eyeing us with disapproval. I apologized and quickly moved out of the way so they could get through the door. I heard them grumbling something about 'stupid teenagers who can't control their hormones' and felt my face heat up.

"Let's head back to the castle," Sirius mumbled, avoiding my gaze. I nodded and followed him out of the Three Broomsticks. The walk back to the castle was a long and awkward one. Sirius avoided looking at me and neither of us said a word. I decided not to say anything in case it made anything worse.

My lips were still tingling from our kiss earlier. I've kissed a few blokes before and none of them felt like this. even though it was a short unintended kiss, it felt amazing. It was better than any kiss I've ever had before. I had to stop myself from reaching up to touch my lips a few times. I didn't want Sirius to be freaked out by me. in the few glances I've stolen of him, he looked conflicted. I wanted to know what was on his mind, but I didn't dare ask.

Once we reached the castle, Sirius mumbled something that I couldn't understand and walked off. I watched him walk away before I headed for the lake. I had a lot to think about.

"You can thank me for the kiss later," Avery sat down next to me under a huge tree.

"That was you?" though, now that I think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

"Yes, and you're welcome," Avery said smugly.

"I don't know whether I should hit you or hug you," I said honestly.

"Well, I didn't see the two of you pulling away from each other right away. If those two old ladies didn't interrupt you, then who knows when you would've finished."

"I was wondering why Sirius took so long to pull away,"

"Maybe he was enjoying himself?" Avery suggested.

"I know you guys were eavesdropping the whole time we were there. You heard what he said. We can't be together,"

"I did, and that just makes me think that you guys really are perfect for each other. You think alike. Sirius just needs to realize that some things are worth the risk. just like I had to convince you."

"so what, you're going to go up to Sirius and give him a long boring lecture like you did with me?"

"Hey, that was not a lecture, and it wasn't boring!" Avery chuckled. "And besides, I don't think Sirius likes me all that much. Maybe we can have Lily tell James to talk to him again?"

"Maybe we should just forget it," I said dejectedly.

"What? Why?"

"He couldn't even look at me the entire way back here."

"That doesn't mean anything,"

"Yes it does! What if he's disgusted with me now? What if that kiss made him realize that his bisexuality was nothing but a phase and he doesn't really like guys after all? What if—"

"You are one paranoid bloke, you know that?" Avery nudged my shoulder. "You're over thinking things. Just give it some time and he'll come around. He just has a lot of things going on in his mind right now."

"but what if—"

"No, I'm not talking about this again, Remus," And with that, Avery stood up and left.

He really did mean it when he said he wasn't talking about it again. Sirius had been avoiding me—and everyone else for that matter—all weekend. He was hardly around anymore, and when he was, he always stayed quiet. I've tried to mention it a few times to Avery but he always told me that I was just over thinking things. After the first few times, he's resorted to casting a silencing spell on me whenever I brought it.

I wasn't the only one who was waiting for Sirius to come back from his own little world. The entire student body seemed to be waiting to see what would happen, too. A few students had seen what happened at the Three Broomsticks and by dinner time, the entire castle knew about it.

Sally was convinced that I convinced Sirius to break up with her so I could have him for myself. She's been shooting death glares at me for the longest time now. A lot of the other girls were mad at me, too, because they were convinced that I stole Sirius from them. I got that reaction from a few guys as well.

And another part of the student body seemed to have it in their minds that Sirius and I would make a perfect couple. I have no idea where that idea came from. And then finally, there were the students who didn't really care that Sirius and I kissed.

A school-wide pool is going around now. People are taking bets on what would happen when Sirius finally snapped out of it and talked to me. Some people are saying that he's going to confess his love for me, some are saying he's going to realize that he doesn't really like guys after all (Sally and her friends are hoping for this one), and the last option was that Sirius would realize he does like guys, but just doesn't like me that way. Everyone was picking a side on this, even the ones that didn't care about me and Sirius.

I felt like some kind of zoo exhibit. Everywhere I went I saw people looking at me and whispering to each other. When Sirius and I were in the same room it seemed like all activity would stop and all eyes would turn to us. Lily and James have tried to be reassuring, but I got a feeling that James is in on this pool. Avery refuses to talk to me about this subject but I know he bet at least ten galleons that Sirius and I would get together. The only person I really had to talk to was Peter, but he wasn't much help in the romance department.

"Avery," Avery and I were on our way back to the dorms. We spent the entire day at the library working on our potions assignment.

"If you bring up Sirius Black one more time I swear it won't just be a silencing charm; I'm going spell your mouth shut," Avery threatened. i glared at him even though I knew he didn't mean anything bad by it.

"But it's almost been a week and I—"

I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

"Remus," Avery said softly, putting a hand on my shoulder. But I shrugged it off and pivoted on my heels and turned and walked the other way.

Once I reached the end of the hall, I ran. I could hear Avery following me but I didn't care. I just had to get away. But no matter how fast I ran, I couldn't seem to get the image out of my mind. The sight was burned into my memory. I could still see it. I could see Sirius at the end of the hall, his hands against the wall. And there, leaning against the wall between Sirius's arms was a bloke, I have no idea who he is but I didn't care. All I could think about right now was how Sirius had him pinned to the wall and was snogging.

And it wasn't just an accidental peck on the lips like with me. It was a full-out snog. Even from where I was a few feet away, I could see Sirius moving his lips against the other boy's. It had always hurt me when I saw Sirius kissing another girl, but those were nothing compared to the pain I felt when I saw Sirius kissing another bloke. This was much different than when he kissed all those girls. Because now, there was nothing stopping me from getting with Sirius—he liked guys, too, so I had a chance. But even then, I still wasn't the guy for him.

**Wow! I got a hundred reviews ^_^ you have no idea how happy that made me. You guys are the best!**

**So, any ideas on what should happen next? I'm a bit stuck on that department. All suggestions are welcome =)**

**And one last note: I got a new story up. It's called From the Diary of Remus Lupin. Another Remus/Sirius story for any of you who are interested. It's starting off a bit slow but I'm working on it =D**

**Can't wait to see what you people think.  
Lots of love to you all,  
NixxxRky**


	17. Chapter 17

I've been in a horrible moon since I saw Sirius kissing that guy. I don't really know what to make of it. Avery said I should wait and hear what Sirius has to say about it instead of jumping to conclusions. But I can tell that he's thinking the same thing I was: that Sirius liked guys but he just didn't like me. And I don't think that Sirius will be explaining stuff to me anytime soon. It's been over a week already and he still hasn't talked to me. James and Lily think that's the reason why I've been in such a bad mood. I haven't told them about the kiss yet.

I found out who Sirius was kissing. It was some Slytherin fifth year; I didn't bother to learn his name. But that was like the salt to the open wound. Once, when Sirius and I were talking, he had told me he'd rather snog the giant squid than a Slytherin. Well, apparently, he'd rather snog a Slytherin than a werewolf. I hate my life.

"I should move on," I told Lily one night while we were doing our prefect rounds together.

"What? Why?"

"I know you and Avery think that we'd we the perfect couple or something, and I really do love him and wish that we could be together. But I'm tired of all of this."

"Just because he's not talking to you? Remus, he'll come around. You know how much of an idiot he can be sometimes."

"It's more than that," I turned and faced the wall. I noticed that a lot of the portraits were trying to look like they weren't watching what was going on with me and Lily. So apparently, the portraits are interested in what happened between me and Sirius, too. At least my miserable life is entertaining for everyone else. Hell, the next thing I know, I'll find out what my teachers have taken part in that pool about what will happen between me and Sirius.

"What else is there?" Lily asked, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"I saw him kissing another bloke a few nights ago,"

"What? Who? Why?" Lily stopped walking and turned to face me. I noticed that all of the portraits around us weren't even trying to be discrete. They were flat out staring at us already. I debated on whether or not I should tell Lily here with the portraits watching. But, with the look on her face, I don't think she's letting me go until she knows. I might as well. It's not like the portraits do much talking with the rest of the school.

"Some Slytherin a couple years below us; I don't know his name."

"Remus, I'm sorry," Lily came closer and gave me a hug.

"It's like no matter what happens with Sirius, I always end up getting hurt." I told her once she pulled away. "I'm tired of it, Lils." I just…I just want to stop getting hurt all the time because of him."

"Maybe you should move on," Lily said after a while. "I still think that the two of you would be great together. But if all of this is doing nothing but causing you pain, then maybe you should find someone else. You're a great guy, Remus. You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally."

"Thanks, Lily," I gave her a small smile and we hurried to finish our rounds around the castle.

When we got back to Gryffindor tower, I saw another lady in the Fat Lady's portrait. They were talking animatedly but fell silent as soon as Lily and I approached. The other lady left quickly. The portrait opened before I even finished saying the password and the Fat Lady gave me a sad smile. She probably heard already. I heard her telling me everything will be okay while I passed through. Oh great, a picture feels sorry for me. My life really does suck.

The common room was still filled with a lot of the older students. I saw James and Peter sitting at our regular couch. Lily and I made our way over to them but I stopped when I saw who James was talking to: Sirius. It looks like Sirius was talking to us again. I didn't want to deal with this right now, so I turned and made my way over to the stairs. I heard James calling my name but kept walking. As I ascended the stairs, I thought I heard Lily telling James to leave me be.

**This was originally where I was supposed to stop this chapter, but because you guys are so awesome, I decided to make it longer =D**

I went to sleep before the guys came in and left before they woke up. On my way to breakfast, I saw a lot of the people in the portraits waving at me and being extra nice to me. I must be the saddest person in the entire world.

None of the other students seemed to be treating me any differently. So either they don't care, or they don't know; either one is fine with me. But I think the damn pool is still going on, so I don't think they know about Sirius and that Slytherin. I'm going to feel a little bad because I know Avery and James put quite a sum of money in this pool. But it's their own bloody fault for taking part in it in the first place so I won't feel too bad.

James, Lily, Peter, and Sirius arrived a few minutes later. Sirius plopped down on the seat next t me and flashed me a wide grin. "Morning, Remmy"

"Good morning, Sirius," I replied curtly, not taking my eyes off of my food. I saw James giving me a questioning look, but I ignored him. I guess Lily hasn't told him about our conversation last night yet.

I heard whispers coming from the people around us. I could practically hear the new rumors starting to form. I think I even saw some bets being placed. So either these people really have nothing to do with their lives, or my miserable love life is just that amazing.

Sirius kept trying to talk to me all throughout breakfast. My answers were always short. I could feel eyes watching us the entire time. James kept giving me looks but I paid him no attention. I know I was being a total prat right now, but I can't help it. I think all the pain from the unrequited love was starting to get to me. That, or the upcoming full moon was making me super moody. Once I had finished my breakfast, I stood up and headed for class. I felt a lot of eyes on me as I made my way out, but only one pair were burning holes into my back.

By the time lunch ended, everyone knew that Sirius and I weren't seeing eye to eye. So far, I've heard two theories: the accidental kiss (though I've heard some rumors that it wasn't an accident; really, don't these people have anything better to do than make stuff up? Damn gossips) ruined our friendship because we were both very straight, and that we were going out all along and had a bit of a lover's spat. The first one was half right.

"Remus!" I turned around and saw James hurrying towards me. "Can we talk for a while?"

"Can this wait? I have a prefect meeting to get to,"

"This will be really fast, promise." James pulled me into the nearest classroom. He pulled out his wand and started casting a silencing spell around the room.

"James what's going—"

"What's wrong with you?" James asked as soon as he turned to me.

"What? What's going on? What did I do?"

"You've been moping around all week because Sirius wasn't talking to you. And now that he is, you're giving him the cold shoulder! I know the full moon makes you moody, but isn't this a little too much?"

"This isn't about the moon, James," I sighed.

"Then what is it about? Shouldn't you be happy that Sirius is talking to you again?"

"I should," I shrug.

"Then why aren't you?"

"Because I don't want this anymore," I say softly.

"What?" James looked confused. "How do you go from loving someone to not wanting it anymore? Just because he didn't talk to you for a week? Lily hated me for _years_ but that didn't stop me!"

"I don't have time for this right now," I ran a hand through my hair and let out a sigh of frustration. "Just go talk to Lily. She'll explain everything."

I left the room before James could say any more. Back when I liked Sirius, it was no one's business but my own. The few people who knew about it just left me be. But now that I want to get over him, it seems like everyone is trying to push us together. Can anyone else smell the irony?

**Yay another chapter done. So I let my little sister use my laptop, and next thing I know, it won't turn on -_- Lesson learned: never leave my sister with my laptop unintended. Luckily, my laptop has some recovery thing that lets me bring it back to its original state, but I lose all of my files and whatnot. Thankfully, I got stuff backed up =D**

**Anyway, during the four hour recovery process, I suddenly got the urge to write. So I did it old school and wrote it in my biology notebook. LOL. Anyway, I wrote three chapters, but when I typed the first one, I noticed it was pretty short. I was going to leave it at that, but you guys are such awesome reviewers so I made it longer. I combined the first two and the next chapter is already written. I just have to type it up.**

**Hope you guys liked it.**

**Reviews are appreciated and loved :]**


	18. Chapter 18

**Before I start, I just want to point out that this chapter will be written in JAMES's point of view, so please don't get confused. Happy reading!**

**James**

I did what Remus said and went to go talk to Lily. You really do have to feel sorry for the guy. First he was upset about Sirius with other girls, and now he's upset about Sirius and other blokes. Speaking of which, why the hell was Sirius snogging another bloke anyway? And why a Slytherin of all people. What the hell was he thinking?

I looked around for Sirius but couldn't see him anywhere. So, I went to the dorm room and dug through my trunk until I found the Marauder's Map. I scanned it for Sirius's name, which isn't easy with all the dots moving around the map, mind you. But I finally found him by the lake. I folded the map and hurried down there. He was sitting under a tree, throwing rocks into the lake.

"You alright there, mate?" I asked, sitting down next to him.

"I'm confused, Prongs," he answered.

"About what?"

"Remus."

"Why would you be confused about Remus?"

"I know I was a total ass to him by accidently kissing him then avoiding him like the plague, but he's never just gone and ignored me completely before."

"I'm sure it's just the moon making him moody." I didn't think I should tell him the real reason, not yet anyway.

"It's not just that, James. It's something more."

"Then what is it?"

"I think I'm starting to like Remus,"

"What?" I definitely didn't see that coming. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, hell I think I might even love the guy," he turned away from me and started throwing rocks again. I didn't know what to say. In the back of my mind, I realized that this was the same exact spot that Remus confessed his love for Sirius to me. Wow, talk about coincidence.

"I think I've actually liked, or loved or whatever, him all along," Sirius continued.

"What makes you say that?"

"Whenever I was with him those girls, I would sometimes compare them to Remus. Like, if I went out with a smart chick, I found myself thinking that she wasn't as smart as him. Hell, even when I went out with Sally I was comparing her to Remus. And the more I think about it, the more I think I only lasted so long with her because she was like the girl version of Remus. Same blonde hair, same eyes, both smart.

"And I always feel different when I'm around him, almost like I'm happier. I could feel completely bummed about something and talking to him would make me feel better. And you know all those pranks we've planned out and stuff? Remus was the only one who had ever been able to talk me out of pulling something. Just like Lily talked you out of doing some pranks."

"Wow, Pads, I think you do like him," Remus just told me he didn't want to be with Sirius anymore, and now Sirius is telling me he thinks he's in love with Remus. This has got to be the most messed up thing ever.

"I think I do, too, Prongs. I mean, the reason I thought I was bi in the first place was because I had dreams about him,"

"I don't have to hear about that, Sirius!" I'm okay with them liking each other and being together, but there are just some things I don't have to know.

Sirius grinned and punched me lightly. "I started having those dreams—don't give me that look! It's not like I'm telling you what happened in them! Anyway, I started having them a couple months after Remmy told us he was gay. Sometimes they were faceless guys, sometimes they were Remus. I used to think that I only dreamed of Remus because he was the only gay guy I knew, but I don't know anymore.

"I always used to think that he was just my best friend and I only liked him as a friend and nothing more. But then I saw him with that Avery guy. I couldn't explain it at the time but I found myself hating Avery for no real reason. At first, I thought I just didn't want him to replace me as Moony's best friend, and then I saw them snog that one night and I saw red. I actually shot a tripping jinx at the guy when he was leaving."

Sirius laughed a little but I stayed quiet. This was a lot to take in.

"Then I broke up with Sally; you know this stuff. Then you talked to me about Remus and I really didn't know what to do because I was so confused at the time. Then that one guy asked me about and before I knew it, I told him I already had a date; that's why I asked Remus.

"Then that kiss! It felt amazing. I know it was short, like a couple seconds long and it was just an accident, but it still got me more than any other kiss I've had before."

"Then why'd you kiss that Slytherin?" The words were out of my mouth before I had the time to really think about it.

"How do you know about that?" Sirius asked me with wide eyes.

"Lily told me,"

"How does she know?"

I hesitated. "Remus told her."

"What? How does he know?"

"He _saw_ you."

"He—he did?"

"Yes, and what I don't get is, why did you do it? You just told me how amazing kissing Moony was, so why did you have to go and kiss another bloke."

"I wanted to be sure"

"Sure about what?"

"I've kissed a bunch of girls, James. Some kissed better than others, and some were really good. But, I've never had anything feel like what I felt with Remus. I never kissed another bloke before, so I had to be sure if it was so amazing because it was with Remus, or because it was with a bloke."

"And?"

"It was because it was Remus."

**And this is where I run out of ideas (LOL) and suggestions from you will help me move this story forward. I am officially on spring break so I have more time on my hands. Thankfully I have no homework over the break.  
So, what happens next in this story? Tell me what you think should happen and I might just get my next chapter out of it. **

**Thanks for reading and for all the reviews. Big confidence booster for me =D**


	19. Chapter 19

**In case anyone gets confused, this is back to Remus's point of view**

I was back in the Gryffindor common room before James came back. Sirius was with him. Sirius made his way over to where I was sitting while James pulled Lily to the side to talk to her. I saw them looking at me a few times so they were probably talking about the Sirius thing again. Why can't they leave me alone? Sirius was trying to get my attention, but I kept my face forward, facing my book.

"Remus, can I talk to you?" Lily asked when she and James finally came over to us. I reluctantly agreed.

"Yes, Lily?" I asked once we were away from the group.

"James just told me that Sirius—"

"Lily, I don't want to hear it," I sighed.

"But Remus—"

"No! If it has anything to do with Sirius, then I don't want to hear it, okay? I don't care what it is." I turned and left before she could say anymore. I went over to where everyone was sitting, picked up my things, and made my way to the stairs.

Once I reached our room, I went straight to my bed and closed the curtains shut around me. You know, now that I think about it, I've closed the curtains around my bed more times these past couple of months than I did in the entire seven years I've been here.

"I have to talk to you," I almost jumped out of my skin when Avery came up behind me in the hallway. I hadn't heard him coming.

"Talk to me about what?"

"Lily just talked to me,"

I groaned. Apparently, they weren't going to drop this. "Avery, I don't want to hear it, alright?"

"But I think you do," Avery insisted.

"No, I don't."

"Yes you do!" Avery was more persistent than Lily. That's probably why she went to him. "You have to hear this."

"If it has something to do with Sirius, then no, I don't." Avery and I walked in silence for a while.

"It's upsetting him that you're not talking to him you know," Avery said after a while.

"It's better than him knowing the truth," I replied.

"What if he _wants_ to know that you like him? What if he's just like you? He likes you but he doesn't want to ruin your friendship so he's not telling you?"

"Well, 1) he could never like me, and 2) that's just too bad because I don't like him anymore,"

"You don't mean that," Avery stopped walking and looked at me, trying to figure out if what I said was true or not.

"Yes, I do," I tried my best to stay calm and keep a straight face. Of course I didn't mean it, but how am I ever going to get over Sirius is my friends keep trying to push us together?

"Well I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want. But do me a favor, Avery. Just drop the whole Sirius thing,"

"But—"

"No, no buts. As my friend, you should respect my wishes to drop it."

"Fine then,"

I turned and was about to continue walking down the hall when I realized that every in the hall was staring at me and Avery. Crap, were we really that loud? Did they hear everything? I felt my face heat up and walked down the hall as fast as I could.

I made it to the Great Hall for dinner late because I was too caught up with my work in the library. I had so much on my mind that I was neglecting my schoolwork. By the time I got there, the only seat I could fine was right next to Sirius. I was thinking about skipping out on dinner but James and Sirius had already spotted me.

I made my way over there and sat down. I hurriedly filled my plate and kept my eyes on my food the entire time. I felt Sirius's eyes watching my every move. Because of all the people at the table, I couldn't help but touch Sirius with every movement.

"Hey Remus," a voice from behind me caught my attention. I turned around and found myself facing the Hufflepuff table. The person who called my name was Kevin Matson. He was the caption of the Hufflepuff quidditch team.

"Yes?"

"The headmaster announced a ball before winter holiday before dinner started. I was wondering if you were planning on going."

"What?" That was the last thing I expected. I thought I felt Sirius's body tense up next to me. "Err, I'm not sure, really."

"Well, if you make up your mind, want to go with me?" Kevin asked innocently, giving me a small smile. I looked at him closely. He was pretty good looking. Nothing like Sirius, but still good looking. I wasn't so sure I wanted to say yes to him though.

"I'll think about it," I told him, hoping that answer was good enough for him.

"Alright," He flashed me a quick grin before going back to his dinner. I turned around and went back to my food.

"Are you really going to the ball with that guy?" Sirius asked after a while.

"I told him I'll think about it," I replied.

"But are you really going to consider going out with him?"

"I don't know, Sirius," I had not looked at him the entire time, but he was still being persistent. Couldn't he tell that I didn't want to talk to him?

"But you told him you'll think about it, so that means you might, right?"

"I don't know," I sighed. I forgot how stubborn he could be. "What does it matter to you if I went out with him anyway?"

"I just don't think you should go with him, that's all,"

"Why not?" I looked up at him this time.

"I just don't think you should, alright?"

"That's not a good enough reason for me, Sirius," I replied hotly.

"Guys," Peter spoke up before Sirius could say anything, "Why don't you guys save this conversation for later?"

I was about to ask him why when I noticed that the people around us had stopped eating to watch Sirius and I argue. I blushed and went back to poking at my food. I didn't take my eyes off of it all throughout dinner. Lately, it seems like everyone was watching my every move.

**I ended this chapter because I find that I have reached a creative road block.  
I hope a jealous-ish Sirius makes up for that :D  
suggestions are welcome and appreciated, reviews are loved and cherished  
My spring break is half over but I plan on getting another chapter out by the time it ends, which is Monday, so keep on a lookout for that.**

**On another note, anyone want to suggest a good Sirius/Remus story for me? I tend to read when I reach writer's block to see if I get knock that damn block down. LOL. **

**Anyway, I'm just rambling, soooo. Hope you enjoyed , don't hesitate to drop a review or a suggestion on how you want this to go. Because any help I can get know would be great**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys, thanks for the reviews. And thanks for the story suggestions. I've read a few of the ones many of you have mentioned, but the ones I haven't were good, too.**

It's been a week since Kevin asked me to the ball and Sirius hasn't dropped the subject since. He brings it up every time we're near each other. Even if I was ignoring him he'd still bring it up. It's pretty hard to ignore someone as stubborn as Sirius.

"Maybe he's jealous?" Avery suggested.

"Why would he be jealous of Kevin?" I asked.

"Maybe he wants to be the one who takes you to the ball,"

"Will you drop that?" I really was starting to get annoyed by this. "He's probably going to take that Slytherin he was snogging."

"That Slytherin is going out with Gerald what's-his-name."

"What?" This was news to me.

"That Slytherin he was snogging? He was making out with another Slytherin in our year, Gerald something or other, during lunch this morning."

"Really?"

"If you quit staring at your plate throughout the entire meal, you might learn something." Avery said teasingly.

"If I look anywhere else Sirius jumps at the chance to bother me about Kevin."

"What _did_ you say to Kevin, anyway? Did you tell him you're going to the ball with him?"

"No," I shook my head. "I haven't even talked to him since he asked me."

"Do you want to go with him?"

"I don't know, maybe." Avery raised one of his eyebrows and I shrugged. "He's a good enough guy. Why wouldn't I want to go with him?"

"Because you want to go with Sirius?"

"You know what, I'm going to start cursing you every time you mention his name," he did it to me once, so why couldn't I do it to him?

"Okay, okay," Avery held his hands up defensively. "No more Sirius. But if you just talked to him, I promise you that you won't regret it. You'll even thank me for telling you to do it."

I didn't bother to reply. I just shrugged and went back to reading my book.

In the next few days, I had two more guys ask me to the ball. I haven't said anything to Kevin yet so they took that as a sign that I didn't want to go with him.

After dinner, I went up to the dorm room to see if I could get some time to myself to read a book or something. I just needed something to do to relax for a while. James was spending time with Lily and I had no idea where Peter and Sirius were. They were probably wreaking havoc somewhere. I walked into the dorm and was surprised to see Sirius lying down on his bed.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I made my way across the room to my bed. "I thought you were with Peter?"

"Peter has detention for falling asleep in divination," Sirius answered with a shrug. I sat on my bed and pulled out a book, determined to stay in here and read, even with Sirius in the room.

"So I heard that David Collins asked you to the ball today," Sirius spoke up after a while. "That makes what, five guys who asked you already?"

"Four," I checked the page number in my book before I put it down. "What does it matter? I'm sure a lot more guys and girls have asked you."

"Yeah, I guess," Sirius replied with a shrug.

"So why should it matte to you that four guys asked me out?"

"I just don't think you should go out with any random bloke that asks you out, that's all," Sirius replied hotly.

"Like you've never gone out with a random person who asked you before?" I replied defensively. In the back of my mind, I wonder why I was arguing with Sirius over this.

"You're not me," Sirius replied.

"Okay, so what kind of people should I be going to the ball with then?" I asked him with a raised eyebrow.

"I think you should go with your friends. Who needs a date anyway? Those are over rated."

"And which friends should I go with?"

"Who else? Us! The Marauders of course!"

"James is going with Lily," I pointed out.

"Oh yeah," Sirius looked sheepish for a bit. "But, Lily is your friend so it's kind of like going with your friends!"

"James and Lily would probably want to spend some time by themselves,"

"Okay then, me and Peter,"

"Peter has a date,"

"He what?" Sirius's jaw dropped slightly.

"He has a date," I repeated. "He told me during breakfast."

"Oh, so just me then," Sirius grinned broadly at him.

"I don't know Sirius," I said hesitantly.

"We can invite your friend Avery to hang out with us if you want," Sirius seemed reluctant to say that.

"He has a date,"

"Then I guess it's just me and you at the ball, Moony," Sirius grinned again. "How about it? We can go to the ball together."

"I really don't know, Sirius," I answered.

"Aww, come on Remmy, why not?" Sirius got off his bed and walked over to mine. "We've hung out a bunch of times before just me and you, what makes now any different?"

"Don't you have a date to the ball? Didn't you just say that a bunch of people asked you?"

"Yeah," Sirius shrugged. "But I don't want to go with any of them. If you and me go together, we don't have to bother with stupid dates."

"I'll think about it, okay?" I reply before going back to my book. Since the ball was announced, this was the fifth time that I told someone I would think about it.

**Gosh, thirteen reviews in just one day. You guys really know how to make a person feel good about herself, huh? :] And to thank you for your wonderful reviews, I offer you guys another chapter. I just wrote it in the last 3 hours by the way, so please excuse any errors I may have made.  
So, who wants to see Remmy and Siri go to the ball together? I really don't know if I should have Remus go with Sirius, or with one of the other four guys. **

**Oh, and for the someone (that was the name they used) who reviewed my story: I'm pretty familiar with the falling in love with your best friend scenario, which was why I wrote this story. I'm sorry yours ended badly. I chose the take-the-risk path. So my best friend became my first boyfriend for a year, then it ended badly. I regret losing the friendship, but I don't mind where we are now. We're both happier with other people. But sometimes I do wish that we were still friends and not just people who say hi when we feel like it. I hope you read this because I had no other way of replying to you. And I hope you get your happy ending soon because everyone deserves a happy ending (cheesy or what? XD).**

**Anyway, feel free to drop me a review. I might just reward you guys with another chapter. *nudge, nudge, wink, wink* hahaha. **


	21. Chapter 21

**Wow, I sure did take a while, didn't I? Well, spring break ended and there's only a month of school left so it's been workworkwork for me. Sorry guys!**

**Anyway, I'm dedicating this chapter to **_**MelloandMatt **_**because, well, your review made me laugh; though I really don't know why. Haha. On with the story!**

So as luck would have it, all the other guys who had asked me to the ball already found other dates. I waited too long to answer them. So here I was, with the ball tomorrow night, and I only had two options: Go with Sirius or don't go at all. I could add the option of going to the all alone, but I don't want to have to explain to Sirius why I rather go alone than with him. After giving it some thought, and with the coaxing or Avery and Lily, I finally decided to go with Sirius. Avery and Lily were too happy about it if you ask me.

"Sirius?" I stopped him before he made his way down to breakfast. James and Peter were already there. I had stayed back today so that I could talk to Sirius.

"Yeah, Moony?" Sirius asked. He was busy putting things into his backpack.

"Um, about the ball tomorrow," I fidgeted around, feeling nervous all of a sudden.

"What about it?" Sirius tilted his head to the side, looking pretty cute.

"Did you find a date yet?"

"I told you I wasn't getting a date, remember?"

"Yeah, well, uh…" Why was I so damn nervous?

"Did you pick a date yet?" Sirius asked with a smirk on his face. He probably knew what was going on already.

"Well, err, they found other dates." I mumbled.

"I told you that you were taking too long," Sirius grinned. I blushed and mumbled incoherently. "I hope you aren't deciding to go with me as a last resort."

"Of course not, Siri," I replied, smiling at the small pout on his face. "And besides, I wasn't so sure I wanted to go with those guys anyway, I didn't know them too well."

"Great!" Sirius came over and put an arm around my shoulder. "I'll meet you in the common room at seven, okay?"

"Sure," Sirius and I shared one last smile before we hurried down to breakfast.

On the day of the ball, I found myself feeling very nervous, though I had no reason to. I felt like a kid going on my first date ever. But why was I feeling this way? Sirius and I were going as friends; this wasn't a date. I had a hard time eating during meals and I couldn't focus in class.

Well, a lot of students weren't focusing. Everyone was too busy talking about the ball and what they were wearing. Most teachers just gave up and let us be. This_ was_ the first ball to be held at Hogwarts in years.

I caught a few glimpses of Sirius and found that he seemed very at ease. I guess he had to reason to be nervous since it wasn't a date. But, why was _I_ nervous? After what felt like forever, classes were finally over. Everyone rushed to their common rooms to prepare for the ball. I went into our dorms and found James and Peter already there.

I greeted them then made my way over to my bed to put my stuff away. Peter was digging through his trunk for the right outfit to wear while James settled down for a short nap. I was too nervous to sleep and I already knew what I was going to wear, so I had nothing to do. I wonder where Sirius could be. He still hasn't returned to the dorm.

"Hey Remus, what do you think I should wear?" Peter asked, holding up two dress robes.

"The one on the left," I replied. It was much cleaner looking than the other one, but I didn't tell him that part.

"Thanks," Peter put the robes on his bed and went about trying to decide which shoes he's going to wear with the robes. I laughed a bit at how anxious he seemed, but at least he had a reason to be nervous. Unlike me, he was actually going on a date. After fidgeting around a little more, I finally decided that a shower would help relax me. I grabbed my towel and made my way to the bathroom.

I was in the bathroom for over an hour, but felt much more relaxed when I got out. I was still a bit nervous, but it wasn't as bad as before. I looked at the clock and saw that I had about two hours before I was supposed to meet Sirius. I might as well get dressed now so I don't have to do it later. I went over to my trunk and pulled out my dress robes. James and Peter went over to the bathroom for a shower while I got changed. I noticed that Sirius still hadn't come back to the room. Where could he be?

After putting on my robes, I went over to the mirror. The dress robes were new. My mom sent them over when I told them about the ball. I turned around and smiled at my reflection. I didn't look half bad. I combed my hair back a little then said a spell that would dry it, and another that would keep it in place the rest of the night.

Once I was done getting dressed, I sat on my bed and rested for a while. My thoughts kept drifting back to Sirius, who still hadn't showed up. Wasn't he going to get ready? James and Peter eventually came out of the shower and got dressed. We all talked about what we thought the ball was going to be like. We still had an hour to go before we had to meet everyone, anyway.

"I wonder where Sirius is," I said to no one in particular.

"Yeah," Peter nodded. "Doesn't he have to get ready for the ball?"

"Did he tell you anything, Moony?" James asked.

"All he said was to meet him at seven in the common room," I replied. I glanced at the clock; twenty minutes until seven.

"Maybe we should head down now," Peter was looking at the clock, too. "It's almost seven."

James and I nodded and the tree of us made our way down to the common room. The room was full of people chattering away about the dance. Lily wasn't there yet so we all found an empty couch in the corner of the room and sat down there to wait.

"Remmy! You're early!" I looked up at the sound of my name. I didn't see anyone at first, but then I saw that someone was making their way through the crowd towards our couch. As the person got closer, I realized it was Sirius. I let out a soft gasp once he was within sight. Sirius looked good. He always looked good, but he looked better than usual in his dress robes.

His robes were black, but when they caught in the light, they looked dark blue in color. The blue black color of his robes made his eyes stand out even more in his pale face. He left his hair hanging down freely as usual, but it looked neater and shinier. I felt the urge to run my hand through his hair.

I know I had told myself countless times that I was getting over Sirius, but love isn't something you can let go of just like that. It took me a while to realize that, but better late than never. When I manage to get over him, I know that Sirius will always have a place in my heart.

"Hey guys," My silent musing was interrupted by the arrival of Lily. Peter was meeting his date in front of the Great Hall so we all made our way out of the common room.

The ball was more fun than I expected. The food was better than usual and we had found a nice table near the stage. The band was wonderful as well. Sirius had even managed to convince me to go out onto the dance floor a few times. It was awkward at first, but then I found myself having a lot of fun. The strange nervousness that had been bothering me all day was finally gone.

"Remmy, let's go dance again," Sirius said over the music as I took a drink out of my goblet.

"But we were dancing not five minutes ago," I replied with a small laugh.

"Aww, come on, Remmy, please?" Sirius pouted and gave me the puppy eyes look and I just couldn't resist. I laugh and let him lead me through the crowd of dancing people.

As soon as we got to a decent spot, the music stopped and was replaced by a much slower song. I noticed that a lot of people were leaving the dance floor and the only ones who were left were couples.

"Maybe we should wait for another song," I said softly, already trying to make my way out of the couples around me.

"But Remmy, you said we could dance," Sirius grabbed hold of my hand so I couldn't go anywhere. "What difference does it make if it's a fast song or a slow song?"

"Alright, Siri," I sigh in defeat and turn to face him. He gave me a small smile and put his hands on my waist. I lifted my hands and put them up to his shoulders. We swayed slowly to the music. I couldn't help but feel at ease slow dancing with Sirius.

After a while, Sirius tightened his hands around my waist, pulling our bodies closer together. I stiffened at first. I was surprised by his actions but soon relaxed. I moved my hands higher up and laced my fingers together behind his neck. It was odd hoe perfectly our bodies seemed to move together.

The first song ended and another slow song started up but Sirius and I were still dancing. I rested my head on his shoulder and felt a small weight on my head that told me that Sirius was resting his head on mine.

Once the slow songs ended, Sirius and I left the dance floor. But instead of going back to our table, Sirius lead us outside and into the school's courtyard. The place looked magnificent underneath the moonlight. The moon was almost full, so I could see just fine.

"I thought it would be a good idea to get out of there and get some fresh air for a while," Sirius explained, taking a seat on one of the benches. I smiled at him appreciatively. It was getting a bit hot in there. I went and took a seat next to him.

A soft breeze came, blowing his long dark hair around his face a little. His pale skin seemed to glow underneath the moonlight. He looked so amazing. A small shiver ran down my spine. Sirius seemed to have noticed because he put an arm around my shoulder to keep me warm.

He looked down at me and I looked up at him. I found myself getting lost in his eyes. Before I had any idea what I was doing, I found myself leaning forward, closing the gap between us. Our lips met. His lips felt softer than I remembered. I could taste hints of the food we had and pumpkin juice. Sirius was still, probably shocked at what I was doing. I shouted in my mind for me to stop, but my body refused to listen.

And then I felt Sirius's lips moving against my own and I couldn't think of anything else except how wonderful it felt. My tongue made its way out f my mouth and ran itself along Sirius's bottom lip. He gasped and opened his mouth a little, allowing me entrance. I explored his mouth slowly, savoring the taste that was Sirius. It was euphoric.

After a while, we parted for breath. I stared up at Sirius. He had a glazed look on his face. It was a mixture of shock and confusing and…excitement? Happiness? I wasn't too sure about the last one.

Once I caught my breath, I realized that I had done. I kissed Sirius. Oh, crap.

"Remus?" Sirius said slowly, unsure of what he was going to say.

"I…I" I stuttered, standing up from my seat. "I'm sorry."

And then I ran. I ran out of the court yard and away from Sirius as fast as I could. I could hear him calling my name, but I kept running. What the hell had I done?

**I hope that the length of this chapter made up for its tardiness. Anyway, I'm sorry for those people who didn't want Remus and Sirius to go to the ball together. And for those who can't wait to see them get back together: This is the second to last chapter! Yup, that's right, just one more chapter and it's the end of this story. I'm almost sad it's over. I've been working on this for a while now.**

**But, I do have a story idea that I plan on carrying out after I complete this. It's another SBRL story. I'm going to have Harry try to get his godfather back together with his old boyfriend, Remus, after he escapes from Azkaban. The idea is still a jumbled mess in my head but I'm trying to make sense of it. What do you think about it, though? Opinions are nice.**


	22. Chapter 22

So, I know it's been forever since I updated this thing, but things have been a little hectic. I had finals and I desperately needed to pick up my grade if I wanted to keep getting scholarship money. Sucks, huh? BUT, I managed to pick up two of my grades by a full letter grade, so yay me :D you probably don't care about all of this, huh?

BUT, after finals were over and it was back home doing nothing, the worst thing ever happened! You know the part of the laptop where you stick the charger in? That hole thing? Well, mine broke. Like, it got pushed in so the charger thing couldn't reach it. I took it to the shop to get repaired over a week ago and just got it back today. And there was the hassle of renewing my license and reapplying for grants and scholarships and whatnot. Oh, the woes of school, huh? But here am I continuing this!

After I left Sirius, I found myself standing on the balcony of the Astronomy Tower. I stared up at the moon shining brightly overhead and couldn't help but think about how beautiful it looked. I sometimes found it hard to believe that something that caused me pain once a month for years could be so beautiful. I looked away from the moon and stared down at the grounds below. I could see almost everything from where I was standing.

I looked down at the place that I knew was the courtyard where I had just kissed Sirius. I wonder if he's still there—who am I kidding? It's been like half an hour since I ran off. He's probably back at the ball or in the dorms or something. I looked back up at the bright moon and sighed. I don't know what had come over me back there. The moment had just seemed so perfect and I just couldn't help myself.

I had lost track of how long I had been standing there lost in a daze. I looked around to see what had pulled out of said daze but saw nothing. I stared into the darkness of the room and realized that I could hear footsteps. It sounded like they were about to reach the entrance of the tower. I ignored it and stared back out at the moon. It was probably just some couple who wanted to fool around up here. They'll probably leave once they saw me standing here.

I heard the door open but didn't turn around. It was quiet for a while. The couple probably thought I didn't know about them and were trying to get away without me noticing. After a few more seconds, I heard the door closing quietly and more footsteps. It took me another couple of seconds to realize that the sound of footsteps was getting louder instead of fading away. I also realized that there were only one set of footsteps and not two.

I turned around and saw Sirius stepping out of the darkness and into the light the moon provided the balcony. I think my heart just stopped beating. What was he doing here? How did he find me? I wanted to run past him and get away, but my legs felt rooted to the spot.

"I was looking everywhere for you," Sirius said as he moved to stand in front of me. I stood still and just looked at him, unsure of what I should say or do.

"Why did you do that?" Sirius asked me softly. I was a little confused at first, but then I realized that he must be talking about how I had kissed him.

"Sirius, I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me," I apologized. "I shouldn't have done that."

"No, you shouldn't have," Sirius replied angrily, causing me to bow my head in shame. "Why did you run away like that?"

"What?" he was angry at me for running away? Shouldn't he have been angry that I kissed him instead? Maybe he was angry because I ran away before he could curse me?

"Why did you run away like that?" Sirius repeated. "How could you just leave me like that? You didn't even give me a chance to say anything!" Sirius's voice seemed to increase with every word he said. He would be shouting soon if he kept this up.

"I…" I didn't know what to say to him. He wasn't acting the way I expected him to. The entire time I was here, I had imagined different scenarios of what would happen when he confronted me. but I never pictured anything like this to happen.

"Things have been so weird between us lately," Sirius continued since I wasn't speaking. "then you kiss me and before I even realize what's going on, you pull away and leave me there standing like an idiot trying to figure out what's going on."

"Sirius, what are you trying to say?" I managed to get in while Sirius stopped for breath.

"Why did you run away right after you kissed me?" Sirius asked slowly.

"Because I shouldn't have kissed you," I replied, unable to look him in the eyes.

"Why? Is it wrong to kiss me?" Sirius took a step closer to me. I took a step back because his closeness was making me uncomfortable. I felt my back hit the railing on the balcony.

"Sirius, we're best friends. We shouldn't be kissing each other," I gave him the only reason I could come up with. I honestly didn't think it was wrong kissing him. I actually liked it. But I knew I shouldn't have done it. "You said it yourself, Padfoot. Trying to turn our friendship into something more would only ruin what we already have."

"But that was before…" Sirius said so quietly that if it wasn't for my werewolf hearing, I probably wouldn't have caught it.

"Before what?" I asked when Sirius didn't continue.

"Right after I said that…when that guy bumped into me and pushed me into you, something changed the way I saw things." Sirius moved to lean against the rail next to me.

"Changed? What are you talking about?" I thought back to that day. The same day that Sirius said we were just friends and nothing more was when Avery caused him to kiss me. afte that we hadn't talked for over a week.

"That small kiss changed how I looked at things. I know I said we shouldn't be anything more than just friends, but—I don't know, Remmy. I just don't know. On eminute, I was thinking that nothing would change the fact that you were my best friend and nothing more, then the next thing I know, I see you in a different light and I just…want to kiss you again."

"I don't understand…"

"Something happened when we had that kiss. It made me re-think everything I said just minutes before," Sirius explained. "I couldn't explain it. I found myself thinking about you and more and wanting to spend more time with you than usual."

"You ignored me for over a week," I pointed out.

"That's because…" Sirius paused and I managed to see a small blush grace his cheeks. "I found myself wanting to kiss you again. I had a lot to think about after that and I know I couldn't think properly if I'm around you and wanting to snog you all the time."

"Sirius, what are you trying to say?" I felt a strange feeling building up inside my chest. I felt anxious, and something else, but I couldn't place it.

"I like you, Remmy," Sirius's voice was barely above a whisper. "And I don't mean I like you as a friend."

"Wha—what?" I felt like an idiot. I was staring at Sirius. I was opening and closing my mouth, trying to find the right words to say, but I couldn't make any words come out.

"I like you, Remmy," Sirius repeated. "I like you a lot. Hell, I think I might even love you."

"You don't mean that," I looked away from him and felt like kicking myself for saying those words. I've waited and longed for him to say those words for years. But now that he's saying it, I'm trying to get him to take it back. What's wrong with me?

"Yes, I do." He said in a firm voice. "I've thought about it for a long time and I know what I'm talking about."

I felt anger building up inside me and I couldn't explain why. "A long time? Sirius, you had like a week! That's not a long time."

Sirius was giving me a confused look. My anger came out of nowhere. I think it's because it took me forever to realize my feelings for him. It took me almost a year of denial and experimenting that made me realize my feelings for him. How could he say that in just one short week, he managed to figure out something that took me a year to understand? "Love is too complex to figure out in such a short amount of time, Sirius. How can you say you think you love me when you've only thought about it for a week?"

"I don't know, Remmy. I just know how I feel. And I feel like I love you."

"You don't mean that, Siri." I tried to keep my voice calm but I was failing.

"Yes I do!" he insisted. "Why are you trying to make me change my mind?"

"Because you can't decide you love me after a kiss and a week of thinking when it took me a year to figure out I loved you!" My eyes widened when I realized that I told him more than I meant to. Oh, crap.

"You love me?" Sirius's voice was quiet and unsure.

"I have for almost two years," The words came out of my mouth before I even had a chance to think about it. Oh, hell. I might as well get this out now. "Sirius, it took me a whole year of thinking and messing around with other guys to realize that I felt something for you that was more than friendship. And after that I spent a year pining after you but keeping it to myself."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" I couldn't read the expression on his face. Usually, I could read Sirius like an open book, but now I couldn't figure out what he was feeling.

"Because I knew nothing would come out of it," I explained, the anger gone from my voice now. "Lily knew since last year and Avery figured it out after we dated this year and they've been pushing me towards you."

"That explains the looks I've seen them throw me on occasion," Sirius said softly to himself. "Why were you fighting them?"

"Because I value your friendship too much, Siri," I looked him straight in the eyes before I turned away and stared at the dark grounds below. "I didn't want to try and turn it into something more then have it go back and lose you as a friend. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. And, you weren't exactly into guys at the time."

"But you found out I was bi."

"Sirius, I've seen you with other girls. You go out with them, you get bored, then you forget they even exist. I didn't want that to happen to us. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, Siri, and I didn't want to give that up for a small chance at romance."

"But things are different now, Remmy. I love you and you feel the same. So why won't we go out?"

"Because I don't want to lose you as a friend!" The anger was coming back and this time I felt tears welling up in my eyes.

"But you aren't going to lose me as a friend. We'll still be friends, but we'll also get something more. Don't you want that?"

"What happens if it doesn't work out?"

"But you don't know that it won't work out. We could be in this forever."

"I don't want to risk it, Siri," The tears were falling now. I tried to turn my eyes away so he couldn't see but it was too late for that.

"Life is about taking risks, Remmy," Sirius said softly. He reached forward and wiped away some of the tears.

I couldn't help but laugh a little at what he said. "You sound just like Avery. He's been insisting that I take a risk and ask you out for the longest time now."

"Heh, I guess he's smarter than I thought," Sirius mumbled softly, pulling me closer and wrapping his arms around me.

We stayed like that for a while; just hugging each other and enjoying the company. Sirius's words were echoing in my mind. What if we could be in this forever? That would definitely be worth the risk.

"Remmy, I know you're scared and I'm scared, too," Sirius spoke up after a while. "I don't want to lose you as a friend and I'd never forgive myself if I ruin this friendship because I screwed up a relationship. But I think—no, I _know_ I love you, Remus. And even if I don't want to risk this friendship, I want to be in a relationship with you." Sirius pulled away and looked straight at me. "I swear to you that if you accept, I will do all I can to make sure this relationship works out."

I thought about it. I would be lying to myself if I told myself I didn't want a relationship with him. "I need you to promise me something, Sirius."

"Anything."

"Promise me that if this relationship doesn't work out, we'll get past it and still be best friends. No matter what happens."

"I promise you that if—and this is a big if—our relationship doesn't work out, nothing will change the fact that we're best friends. No matter how horrible the break up, I will always love you; if not as a boyfriend, then as my best friend."

The tears that had stopped came back again and I felt Sirius pull me closer and tighten his arms around me. I pressed my head into his shoulder and whispered a soft "I love you, Siri."

"I love you, too, Remmy," Sirius whispered into my hair.

After a few minutes, Sirius pulled away again and looked at me. "So, does this mean you're saying yes?"

I couldn't help but smile back at the grin he was giving me. "Yes."

Sirius's grin got even wider, before he dipped his head down and captured my lips with his. My arms snaked around his neck and I lost myself to the taste and feel of his lips.

Falling in love with your best friend can end in two ways: total disaster or complete bliss. I found myself falling madly in love with my best friend. And, what started as a total disaster is turning out to be complete utter bliss.

Now, is anyone else sad to see this end? Because I sure am; I've been working on this story for a couple months now and I'm glad it's over but also sad at the same time. So, to replace this story, I have a new one coming up so look out for what :D

Guess whose birthday is on Wednesday! That's right, me! Last year of being a teenager, here I come! You know, a review would be an awesome present :D HAHA.

**I just want to say thanks to everyone who has stuck with me and this story. Whether you just found it now, or you've been reading since the beginning, thanks so much. All you people who reviewed, alerted, and favorite-d this story have been my motivation since chapter one. When I first started this, I never expected it to go this well, but it did, thanks to ALL of YOU. I love you guys!**


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